How to become more sexual and identify sexual attraction cues as an adult healing from CSA?

I’m 25F and haven’t enjoyed sex up until this point in my life. I’ll just say it straight out. My body struggles to become aroused (the whole idea of being wet still escapes me) and my own sexuality feels like a big, nebulous cloud hanging over me most of the time. I have historically only dated people who I knew were aesthetically attractive because it did not occur to me until recently that sexual attraction is not the same thing as thinking someone is aesthetically attractive. I almost never initiate sex in relationships bc I have no idea when you would even do that, it doesn’t cross my mind (I mean my partners always want more sex than me anyways so not an issue). But I will admire my partner in passing just like thinking they’re good looking. I know I have a sex drive in here somewhere, I do desire and fantasize about sex in my head with my partner but in person my body just doesn’t… work. I am working on listening to my body more and trying to figure out what is sexually attractive to me versus just attractive but idk where to start. Tips? Tricks? Tools of the trade?



Submitted November 04, 2021 at 12:25AM

I’m 25F and haven’t enjoyed sex up until this point in my life. I’ll just say it straight out. My body struggles to become aroused (the whole idea of being wet still escapes me) and my own sexuality feels like a big, nebulous cloud hanging over me most of the time. I have historically only dated people who I knew were aesthetically attractive because it did not occur to me until recently that sexual attraction is not the same thing as thinking someone is aesthetically attractive. I almost never initiate sex in relationships bc I have no idea when you would even do that, it doesn’t cross my mind (I mean my partners always want more sex than me anyways so not an issue). But I will admire my partner in passing just like thinking they’re good looking. I know I have a sex drive in here somewhere, I do desire and fantasize about sex in my head with my partner but in person my body just doesn’t… work. I am working on listening to my body more and trying to figure out what is sexually attractive to me versus just attractive but idk where to start. Tips? Tricks? Tools of the trade?
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