Sex issues and discomfort in LTR

Hey, thanks for reading. So I (mid20sF) have been in a relationship for 6+ years with my bf (mid20sM). Recently we had a bad rough patch where I broke up with him, though we pretty quickly got back together. As such, over the last 2mo or so we’ve been trying to improve our relationship in all the ways it was messed up, one of which has been sexually, which I’m having a very difficult time with.

Basically, a year into our relationship he told me about certain fetishes of his, including anal (on him). Before this all the sex we’d had had been initiated by me excluding I think once, and had happened sub 10 times after almost a year together. After that, the sex decreased even more, and now after nearing 7 years we have actual sex probably once every 2 years? Something like that. I’ve tried to introduce anal into having regular sex but that seems to decrease his enjoyment of the anal. In the past I’d also tried to introduce him giving me oral but after he called my pussy disgusting when we were young I could just never enjoy it or bring myself to try it really, despite him trying to initiate it a couple times.

So where we’re at now: I brought up how the lack of sex is a huge issue for me after our short break up and he tried to initiate sex and oral on me multiple times, but I just can’t make myself feel comfortable enough to do it, or to even have him touch me sexually at all really. I have a sex drive but I have avoided anything sexual as much as possible with him. I’m bored of him just rubbing my clit over my underwear or whatever but it makes me wildly anxious to try anything else, due to his disinterest and hurtful behavior in the past. I also feel that he doesn’t like my pussy that much and overall prefers dick sexually, which is fine but makes me uncomfortable when it comes to PIV sex.

I guess I’m just looking for thoughts on this situation- how I might be able to make myself feel more comfortable, thoughts on his sexuality maybe (as I feel he may not be completely straight), anything really.. I want to fix my relationship and have sex but I can’t seem to let the past go or make myself feel any more comfortable about the situation. Thanks in advance



Submitted September 11, 2021 at 12:42AM

Hey, thanks for reading. So I (mid20sF) have been in a relationship for 6+ years with my bf (mid20sM). Recently we had a bad rough patch where I broke up with him, though we pretty quickly got back together. As such, over the last 2mo or so we’ve been trying to improve our relationship in all the ways it was messed up, one of which has been sexually, which I’m having a very difficult time with.Basically, a year into our relationship he told me about certain fetishes of his, including anal (on him). Before this all the sex we’d had had been initiated by me excluding I think once, and had happened sub 10 times after almost a year together. After that, the sex decreased even more, and now after nearing 7 years we have actual sex probably once every 2 years? Something like that. I’ve tried to introduce anal into having regular sex but that seems to decrease his enjoyment of the anal. In the past I’d also tried to introduce him giving me oral but after he called my pussy disgusting when we were young I could just never enjoy it or bring myself to try it really, despite him trying to initiate it a couple times.So where we’re at now: I brought up how the lack of sex is a huge issue for me after our short break up and he tried to initiate sex and oral on me multiple times, but I just can’t make myself feel comfortable enough to do it, or to even have him touch me sexually at all really. I have a sex drive but I have avoided anything sexual as much as possible with him. I’m bored of him just rubbing my clit over my underwear or whatever but it makes me wildly anxious to try anything else, due to his disinterest and hurtful behavior in the past. I also feel that he doesn’t like my pussy that much and overall prefers dick sexually, which is fine but makes me uncomfortable when it comes to PIV sex.I guess I’m just looking for thoughts on this situation- how I might be able to make myself feel more comfortable, thoughts on his sexuality maybe (as I feel he may not be completely straight), anything really.. I want to fix my relationship and have sex but I can’t seem to let the past go or make myself feel any more comfortable about the situation. Thanks in advance
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more