Sex issues and discomfort in LTR

Hey, thanks for reading. So I (mid20sF) have been in a relationship for 6+ years with my bf (mid20sM). Recently we had a bad rough patch where I broke up with him, though we pretty quickly got back together. As such, over the last 2mo or so we’ve been trying to improve our relationship in all the ways it was messed up, one of which has been sexually, which I’m having a very difficult time with.

Basically, a year into our relationship he told me about certain fetishes of his, including anal (on him). Before this all the sex we’d had had been initiated by me excluding I think once, and had happened sub 10 times after almost a year together. After that, the sex decreased even more, and now after nearing 7 years we have actual sex probably once every 2 years? Something like that. I’ve tried to introduce anal into having regular sex but that seems to decrease his enjoyment of the anal. In the past I’d also tried to introduce him giving me oral but after he called my pussy disgusting when we were young I could just never enjoy it or bring myself to try it really, despite him trying to initiate it a couple times.

So where we’re at now: I brought up how the lack of sex is a huge issue for me after our short break up and he tried to initiate sex and oral on me multiple times, but I just can’t make myself feel comfortable enough to do it, or to even have him touch me sexually at all really. I have a sex drive but I have avoided anything sexual as much as possible with him. I’m bored of him just rubbing my clit over my underwear or whatever but it makes me wildly anxious to try anything else, due to his disinterest and hurtful behavior in the past. I also feel that he doesn’t like my pussy that much and overall prefers dick sexually, which is fine but makes me uncomfortable when it comes to PIV sex.

I guess I’m just looking for thoughts on this situation- how I might be able to make myself feel more comfortable, thoughts on his sexuality maybe (as I feel he may not be completely straight), anything really.. I want to fix my relationship and have sex but I can’t seem to let the past go or make myself feel any more comfortable about the situation. Thanks in advance



Submitted September 11, 2021 at 12:42AM

Hey, thanks for reading. So I (mid20sF) have been in a relationship for 6+ years with my bf (mid20sM). Recently we had a bad rough patch where I broke up with him, though we pretty quickly got back together. As such, over the last 2mo or so we’ve been trying to improve our relationship in all the ways it was messed up, one of which has been sexually, which I’m having a very difficult time with.Basically, a year into our relationship he told me about certain fetishes of his, including anal (on him). Before this all the sex we’d had had been initiated by me excluding I think once, and had happened sub 10 times after almost a year together. After that, the sex decreased even more, and now after nearing 7 years we have actual sex probably once every 2 years? Something like that. I’ve tried to introduce anal into having regular sex but that seems to decrease his enjoyment of the anal. In the past I’d also tried to introduce him giving me oral but after he called my pussy disgusting when we were young I could just never enjoy it or bring myself to try it really, despite him trying to initiate it a couple times.So where we’re at now: I brought up how the lack of sex is a huge issue for me after our short break up and he tried to initiate sex and oral on me multiple times, but I just can’t make myself feel comfortable enough to do it, or to even have him touch me sexually at all really. I have a sex drive but I have avoided anything sexual as much as possible with him. I’m bored of him just rubbing my clit over my underwear or whatever but it makes me wildly anxious to try anything else, due to his disinterest and hurtful behavior in the past. I also feel that he doesn’t like my pussy that much and overall prefers dick sexually, which is fine but makes me uncomfortable when it comes to PIV sex.I guess I’m just looking for thoughts on this situation- how I might be able to make myself feel more comfortable, thoughts on his sexuality maybe (as I feel he may not be completely straight), anything really.. I want to fix my relationship and have sex but I can’t seem to let the past go or make myself feel any more comfortable about the situation. Thanks in advance
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