/u/rudreax on Vent: libido and attraction are different, right? Sex neutral and sex favorable access exist, right?

So as someone who recently thought he was sex-fav ace, then demi, but now knows he's just sex-averse sex-positive ace...I see the point of what people in that thread are saying.

Yes, aces can have sex, have high libido, and be favorable. These aces absolutely exist (under another account, I used to rally in their defense often as I was sure I was one of them). However I'm willing to say that most people out in the wild who use the term "asexual" are using it to signify they don't want to have sexual relationships at any point in their lives. Research, self-report studies, personal, and anecdotal experiences all seem to correlate with this. Similar to how most men who use "gay" mean they want to have sex with men. And how most who use "demi" will need more than a few months to feel sexual attraction to someone.

There will always be outliers to labels, but as someone who used to identify as an outlier I'd saying using the label comes with caveat of knowing how to explain one's place with regards to that label, as while I recognize my experiences are valid I also recognize I have the potential to invalidate the experiences of others who use that label for their safety. Especially when meeting people on dating apps, or IRL but in non-queer spaces.

That lack of knowledge in that sub isn't surprising to me as I'm sure for many people there nowadays, they're connecting specifically with the demi label on it's own and not as part of the asexual umbrella. You see the same thing here often with people forgetting sex-fav aces exist (there's a thread about this division from one side or the other maybe every week or every other week at this point).





August 12, 2021 at 11:36PM
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