I feel now like I'm DOOMED. M26

So, in junior high/high school I was totally oblivious. I had not idea about how dating, relationships, anything worked. I was super intellectual -- not bragging, I mean that I was just really into computer programming, reading, thinking, writing; basically always had my head in the clouds, living in my own world.

However, I was good looking and did sports so some girls would almost pursue me - it felt great but in reality I was intimidated by all girls because they were like adults compared to me with regards to maturity; my "smart brain" was way ahead while other aspects were well BEHIND my peers.

Regardless, I had a mostly happy high school experience however DEVOID of any romantic relationship whatsoever.

Anyways, I started to normalize ~junior year of my undergrad, realizing how much entitlement I had built up due to being good looking and smart, and how much I had relied on these to get by hoping that I'd just magically find a girlfriend. I forced myself to come to terms with the fact that I really needed to "rebuild" myself from the ground-up and forget about my smarts/good looks.

Now still ~3 years after graduating I'm still "rebuilding"; a big, big help was getting into a weightlifting routine and literally creating a stronger mind and body - for the first time in my life I no longer felt like a boy. I also started caring about grooming and dressing well -- things I seriously considered "beneath me" in high school. And finally I realized how much I had to improve my "game" -- though, thankfully, I've been able to flirt comfortably at times in my life, but never move forwards.

I had some casual encounters in college so at least I got that out of the way but it was meaningless.

So here's my problem: I feel completely torn in balancing my "nerdy" intellect with progressing in dating, with fitting in socially and at the same time getting back to my career (quit due to issues; was working in Seattle as a software developer). Also, and I know how this may sound, but I feel almost shackled by my good looks because that and my actual experience are so far apart I feel utterly embarrassed. OK this is going to sound terrible but I have to add this in and again only because I'm genuinely desperate for some help: but I'm REALLY hot, according to numerous girls and women who have approached me and told this to me directly to my face. And I keep this out of my mind - I avoid my reflection. I didn't even know in high school / early undergrad... I mean I thought I was handsome whatever... I was trying to be the bestest programmer and be a successful or like a "baller" or something; I also had lots of insecurities and decided I needed success to get girls whatever.

So I feel TRAPPED! I worked out, got rid of my body insecurities, started dressing nice and finally feeling comfortable in my own skin; but I'm like a Justin Beiber that's actually an awkward nerd with ZERO experience. I ashamed to even start -- I feel they'll look at me and expect something while I'm totally not there and not like that at all. I'm genuinely awkward, even eccentric, nerdy. I was like Mark Zuckerberg in high school!!!

For any one (willing) IF you request I will PM you a picture of myself (clothed, normal) I guess for you to judge, I guess. I'm not going to do it unsolicited... I'm not a creep. But seriously I want to convey this disparity. God I feel like a douche just typing this so ignore this paragraph but really I'm desperate for some assistance.

TL;DR: Good looks, actually good personality, but awkward/eccentric/even goofy, no experience, don't know where to start/how to approach/find a compatible person. Feel very different I guess... just give me your two cents and flame me if you feel so inclined.

Submitted May 27, 2021 at 12:06AM

So, in junior high/high school I was totally oblivious. I had not idea about how dating, relationships, anything worked. I was super intellectual -- not bragging, I mean that I was just really into computer programming, reading, thinking, writing; basically always had my head in the clouds, living in my own world.However, I was good looking and did sports so some girls would almost pursue me - it felt great but in reality I was intimidated by all girls because they were like adults compared to me with regards to maturity; my "smart brain" was way ahead while other aspects were well BEHIND my peers.Regardless, I had a mostly happy high school experience however DEVOID of any romantic relationship whatsoever.Anyways, I started to normalize ~junior year of my undergrad, realizing how much entitlement I had built up due to being good looking and smart, and how much I had relied on these to get by hoping that I'd just magically find a girlfriend. I forced myself to come to terms with the fact that I really needed to "rebuild" myself from the ground-up and forget about my smarts/good looks.Now still ~3 years after graduating I'm still "rebuilding"; a big, big help was getting into a weightlifting routine and literally creating a stronger mind and body - for the first time in my life I no longer felt like a boy. I also started caring about grooming and dressing well -- things I seriously considered "beneath me" in high school. And finally I realized how much I had to improve my "game" -- though, thankfully, I've been able to flirt comfortably at times in my life, but never move forwards.I had some casual encounters in college so at least I got that out of the way but it was meaningless.So here's my problem: I feel completely torn in balancing my "nerdy" intellect with progressing in dating, with fitting in socially and at the same time getting back to my career (quit due to issues; was working in Seattle as a software developer). Also, and I know how this may sound, but I feel almost shackled by my good looks because that and my actual experience are so far apart I feel utterly embarrassed. OK this is going to sound terrible but I have to add this in and again only because I'm genuinely desperate for some help: but I'm REALLY hot, according to numerous girls and women who have approached me and told this to me directly to my face. And I keep this out of my mind - I avoid my reflection. I didn't even know in high school / early undergrad... I mean I thought I was handsome whatever... I was trying to be the bestest programmer and be a successful or like a "baller" or something; I also had lots of insecurities and decided I needed success to get girls whatever.So I feel TRAPPED! I worked out, got rid of my body insecurities, started dressing nice and finally feeling comfortable in my own skin; but I'm like a Justin Beiber that's actually an awkward nerd with ZERO experience. I ashamed to even start -- I feel they'll look at me and expect something while I'm totally not there and not like that at all. I'm genuinely awkward, even eccentric, nerdy. I was like Mark Zuckerberg in high school!!!For any one (willing) IF you request I will PM you a picture of myself (clothed, normal) I guess for you to judge, I guess. I'm not going to do it unsolicited... I'm not a creep. But seriously I want to convey this disparity. God I feel like a douche just typing this so ignore this paragraph but really I'm desperate for some assistance.TL;DR: Good looks, actually good personality, but awkward/eccentric/even goofy, no experience, don't know where to start/how to approach/find a compatible person. Feel very different I guess... just give me your two cents and flame me if you feel so inclined.