/u/Palindrome_Zinc on Can a relationship between an ace and an allo with high libido ever work long term?

There are two universal pieces of (dating type)relationship advice:

  1. TALK TO EACH-OTHER
  2. anything is flirting if the other person is into you; if they aren't nothing is.

Have you told him how you feel about being on camera? Explicitly. Not dropping hints or trying to be nice about it. Use "I statements": I feel X, because Y, When Z, and I need ABC. (Look them up if you aren't familiar they are a useful tool)

Ask him what he likes about it, (ideally) its that he likes seeing you happy, and in his world, sexual pleasure is a really good version of happy.

I know that its scary, especially right now, to be un-paired. But it is worse to be stuck like you are at the moment. (Also from personal experience, if you like him as a friend, taking away the pressures of the dating/sex stuff can help free up more time and emotional space/willing to be vulnerable to actually enjoy each-other as friends.)

Be sure to mention the things you have here: when we are able to touch - I enjoy that, but through a camera doesn't do anything for me.

If I may suggest some next steps? Write down what you are feeling about specific senarios: the 'things on camera' - are some things fine to good and others not? But also worth thinking about: frequency of texting, or how often you share meals together, or any other things that signify pair-bonding to you. Think about why you feel the way you do. It is OK to have boundaries.

Are you engaging in the Emotionally-bonding things for you as much as You need? (Plus he probably enjoys those things too.)(Are there concerns about privacy, do you enjoy some elements of titillation that might be better done with carefully cropped images or flirtatious text instead - boy has hands he can figure it out)

Set a time to talk about it. "Hey Lover, I'd like to talk about [the sexual aspect of our relationship] on [date, time]. (possibly send the link you find on I-statements to him- you want this to be a conversation not a back and forth of attacks).





November 06, 2020 at 11:49PM
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