/u/Palindrome_Zinc on Can a relationship between an ace and an allo with high libido ever work long term?

There are two universal pieces of (dating type)relationship advice:

  1. TALK TO EACH-OTHER
  2. anything is flirting if the other person is into you; if they aren't nothing is.

Have you told him how you feel about being on camera? Explicitly. Not dropping hints or trying to be nice about it. Use "I statements": I feel X, because Y, When Z, and I need ABC. (Look them up if you aren't familiar they are a useful tool)

Ask him what he likes about it, (ideally) its that he likes seeing you happy, and in his world, sexual pleasure is a really good version of happy.

I know that its scary, especially right now, to be un-paired. But it is worse to be stuck like you are at the moment. (Also from personal experience, if you like him as a friend, taking away the pressures of the dating/sex stuff can help free up more time and emotional space/willing to be vulnerable to actually enjoy each-other as friends.)

Be sure to mention the things you have here: when we are able to touch - I enjoy that, but through a camera doesn't do anything for me.

If I may suggest some next steps? Write down what you are feeling about specific senarios: the 'things on camera' - are some things fine to good and others not? But also worth thinking about: frequency of texting, or how often you share meals together, or any other things that signify pair-bonding to you. Think about why you feel the way you do. It is OK to have boundaries.

Are you engaging in the Emotionally-bonding things for you as much as You need? (Plus he probably enjoys those things too.)(Are there concerns about privacy, do you enjoy some elements of titillation that might be better done with carefully cropped images or flirtatious text instead - boy has hands he can figure it out)

Set a time to talk about it. "Hey Lover, I'd like to talk about [the sexual aspect of our relationship] on [date, time]. (possibly send the link you find on I-statements to him- you want this to be a conversation not a back and forth of attacks).





November 06, 2020 at 11:49PM
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more