/u/myownasexualfantasy on I wish my sexuality was more obvious.

Oh man, I think about this all the time. I used to think I was bi, just out of default, because I didn't feel a strong preference for men or women and I thought that maybe my lack of interest in dating was just a strong desire for independence or something. It took a long time to accept that I was "asexual enough" to call myself ace, since I do think about sex a lot and find people aesthetically attractive, I just have no desire to have sex with them. Learning the sub-category "aegosexual" actually really helped, since it outlined that distinction between fantasies / libido and sexual attraction to real people in a way that made sense to me.

These days, I just kind of assume that sexual attraction means looking at someone and feeling an impulsive desire to have sex with them. I've looked at people and found their charisma really magnetic, or enjoyed them as eye candy, or thought "well, if I had to have sex with someone, maybe that person wouldn't be too bad," but I've never felt those things all at once for the same person. So I guess I'm just kind of ace now, by default. That's one of the reasons why I haven't exactly "come out" to my family; I just bring it up in conversations where it's relevant, but it feels weird to make it a big announcement because part of me isn't 100% sure if it's "correct," and if they responded with "well, how do you know for sure?" I don't know how I would explain it.

But hey, even if there's pressure on us to justify every little detail, just remember – labels can just be tools to help you figure yourself out! Maybe there's no way to know for sure, but if you feel like it fits well enough, you can choose to identify yourself that way. Maybe saying "I identify as asexual" instead of "I am asexual" can help with some of that self-doubt.

November 20, 2020 at 11:12PM