/u/denouemental on Link between asexuality and polyamory?

My view (no personal experience...yet. I'm ace and a theoretical but so far never a practicing poly) is that the link between them is that being ace/aro and being poly both cause you to question the heteronormative societal view of relationships in a different way from how you question it if you're gay/bi/lesbian only, or how you don't question it if you're straight.

What is this view? I would describe it as the societal expectation that the most important relationship someone can have is a sexual and romantic one between a man and woman, leading to marriage and children. Being gay/bi/lesbian brings up the question, why does it have to be a man and a woman? But for ace/aro/poly, it goes further.

Example meta questions about this that are natural to ask for both ace/aro and poly people: what is a relationship? Why should a relationship have to include sex? Why does it also need to include romance? Why does one relationship need to be the most important? Why does it need to be exclusive (with respect to either sex or intimacy)?

All of these questions lead to this big one: if we all communicate about what we want and expect, then isn't that a valid form of relationship? E.g. aces can agree to have or not to have sexual contact, aros can agree to QPR style relationships with no romance aspect, and poly people can agree to sexual non monogamy, or to one or more partners having multiple committed and intimate relationships, much like having multiple friendships, just with different parameters. Or anything else.

With the same meta "rule" that communication and agreement is key but any parameter is negotiable, any type of "nontraditional" relationship is possible, whether or not it includes sex or romance or exclusivity.





November 11, 2020 at 11:53PM
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