(24M)I feel like I cant operate at 100% or else (25F)she will lose interest or think I'm desperate or clingy

There's this woman who is interested in me, and we have been seeing each other for about 2 months. I haven't asked her to be my girlfriend as yet, because the last time I asked someone to be my girlfriend a month after meeting her, she broke things off with me after a week. I think my problem started with that first girl so allow me to start there, lets call her Girl A.

I had known Girl A for a month and we connected really well with each other, she was a musician as I am really interested in people with creative pursuits, me being a Spray Paint artist myself. Anyway, during the week of us dating, I did my best to show her how important she was to me, I told her how beautiful she was, I got her flowers, listened to her when she needed a shoulder to cry on, I joked with her a lot, during that entire week I felt absolutely amazing with her. Then came the end of the week, where she told me she couldn't do this and broke up with me, telling me I was desperate and clingy (Which I at the time thought I was just showing her how much I cared about her), and blocked me. I had an art account which I reluctantly used to see her profile and found that a week after the breakup she started dating someone else. So that threw me for a spiral into depression.

A little about me: I have my own life, im independent, im an artist, I love spray painting landscapes and graffiti, Im a software developer and currently I have an internship with NASA (im obsessed with space travel and its a dream to be an astronaut.) I am also an athlete, I do martial arts, I play baseball as a pitcher, and Im a gym shark. I get it, women are attracted to independence, and guys who have their own outside of their relationship. Im not trying to brag about myself or anything, I know im not the best looking dude in the world, im probably just a smidge above average (probably). I know what I want out of life, and personality wise, yea I love listening to others, about their lives, and what they are interested in, I am always striving to be as respectful and honest as possible, I slip up sometimes if Im having a bad day but im human. No my world does NOT revolve around the women I am interested in, I just feel good, knowing that I can make someone's day when they know how important they are to me.

Fast forward to today, I am with this really beautiful woman who I like A LOT. She has told me she feels the same way about me too, but therein is where my problem lays. I am really afraid of losing this girl because of me showing her how much I care about her and showing how important she is too me. After the first girl, I am constantly asking myself if I am showing too much or too little interest out of fear of her thinking I am too desperate and too clingy. At the same time the last thing I want to do is play hard to get, or mind games with her, because I want her to know how much I appreciate her, how much I enjoy being with and spending time with her. Its taking a really emotional toll on me because I feel like I am not being myself around her since the last time I was myself around Girl A, she thought I was desperate. I just want to give this girl my all without having to be cautious with how much I give her. I understand that its probably infatuation but I really cant help it. It feels like im emotionally at war with myself and tearing me apart.

​

Does anyone have any advice? Even to just get rid of the worries?



Submitted November 30, 2020 at 12:11AM

There's this woman who is interested in me, and we have been seeing each other for about 2 months. I haven't asked her to be my girlfriend as yet, because the last time I asked someone to be my girlfriend a month after meeting her, she broke things off with me after a week. I think my problem started with that first girl so allow me to start there, lets call her Girl A.I had known Girl A for a month and we connected really well with each other, she was a musician as I am really interested in people with creative pursuits, me being a Spray Paint artist myself. Anyway, during the week of us dating, I did my best to show her how important she was to me, I told her how beautiful she was, I got her flowers, listened to her when she needed a shoulder to cry on, I joked with her a lot, during that entire week I felt absolutely amazing with her. Then came the end of the week, where she told me she couldn't do this and broke up with me, telling me I was desperate and clingy (Which I at the time thought I was just showing her how much I cared about her), and blocked me. I had an art account which I reluctantly used to see her profile and found that a week after the breakup she started dating someone else. So that threw me for a spiral into depression.A little about me: I have my own life, im independent, im an artist, I love spray painting landscapes and graffiti, Im a software developer and currently I have an internship with NASA (im obsessed with space travel and its a dream to be an astronaut.) I am also an athlete, I do martial arts, I play baseball as a pitcher, and Im a gym shark. I get it, women are attracted to independence, and guys who have their own outside of their relationship. Im not trying to brag about myself or anything, I know im not the best looking dude in the world, im probably just a smidge above average (probably). I know what I want out of life, and personality wise, yea I love listening to others, about their lives, and what they are interested in, I am always striving to be as respectful and honest as possible, I slip up sometimes if Im having a bad day but im human. No my world does NOT revolve around the women I am interested in, I just feel good, knowing that I can make someone's day when they know how important they are to me.Fast forward to today, I am with this really beautiful woman who I like A LOT. She has told me she feels the same way about me too, but therein is where my problem lays. I am really afraid of losing this girl because of me showing her how much I care about her and showing how important she is too me. After the first girl, I am constantly asking myself if I am showing too much or too little interest out of fear of her thinking I am too desperate and too clingy. At the same time the last thing I want to do is play hard to get, or mind games with her, because I want her to know how much I appreciate her, how much I enjoy being with and spending time with her. Its taking a really emotional toll on me because I feel like I am not being myself around her since the last time I was myself around Girl A, she thought I was desperate. I just want to give this girl my all without having to be cautious with how much I give her. I understand that its probably infatuation but I really cant help it. It feels like im emotionally at war with myself and tearing me apart.​Does anyone have any advice? Even to just get rid of the worries?
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