(24M)I feel like I cant operate at 100% or else (25F)she will lose interest or think I'm desperate or clingy

There's this woman who is interested in me, and we have been seeing each other for about 2 months. I haven't asked her to be my girlfriend as yet, because the last time I asked someone to be my girlfriend a month after meeting her, she broke things off with me after a week. I think my problem started with that first girl so allow me to start there, lets call her Girl A.

I had known Girl A for a month and we connected really well with each other, she was a musician as I am really interested in people with creative pursuits, me being a Spray Paint artist myself. Anyway, during the week of us dating, I did my best to show her how important she was to me, I told her how beautiful she was, I got her flowers, listened to her when she needed a shoulder to cry on, I joked with her a lot, during that entire week I felt absolutely amazing with her. Then came the end of the week, where she told me she couldn't do this and broke up with me, telling me I was desperate and clingy (Which I at the time thought I was just showing her how much I cared about her), and blocked me. I had an art account which I reluctantly used to see her profile and found that a week after the breakup she started dating someone else. So that threw me for a spiral into depression.

A little about me: I have my own life, im independent, im an artist, I love spray painting landscapes and graffiti, Im a software developer and currently I have an internship with NASA (im obsessed with space travel and its a dream to be an astronaut.) I am also an athlete, I do martial arts, I play baseball as a pitcher, and Im a gym shark. I get it, women are attracted to independence, and guys who have their own outside of their relationship. Im not trying to brag about myself or anything, I know im not the best looking dude in the world, im probably just a smidge above average (probably). I know what I want out of life, and personality wise, yea I love listening to others, about their lives, and what they are interested in, I am always striving to be as respectful and honest as possible, I slip up sometimes if Im having a bad day but im human. No my world does NOT revolve around the women I am interested in, I just feel good, knowing that I can make someone's day when they know how important they are to me.

Fast forward to today, I am with this really beautiful woman who I like A LOT. She has told me she feels the same way about me too, but therein is where my problem lays. I am really afraid of losing this girl because of me showing her how much I care about her and showing how important she is too me. After the first girl, I am constantly asking myself if I am showing too much or too little interest out of fear of her thinking I am too desperate and too clingy. At the same time the last thing I want to do is play hard to get, or mind games with her, because I want her to know how much I appreciate her, how much I enjoy being with and spending time with her. Its taking a really emotional toll on me because I feel like I am not being myself around her since the last time I was myself around Girl A, she thought I was desperate. I just want to give this girl my all without having to be cautious with how much I give her. I understand that its probably infatuation but I really cant help it. It feels like im emotionally at war with myself and tearing me apart.

​

Does anyone have any advice? Even to just get rid of the worries?



Submitted November 30, 2020 at 12:11AM

There's this woman who is interested in me, and we have been seeing each other for about 2 months. I haven't asked her to be my girlfriend as yet, because the last time I asked someone to be my girlfriend a month after meeting her, she broke things off with me after a week. I think my problem started with that first girl so allow me to start there, lets call her Girl A.I had known Girl A for a month and we connected really well with each other, she was a musician as I am really interested in people with creative pursuits, me being a Spray Paint artist myself. Anyway, during the week of us dating, I did my best to show her how important she was to me, I told her how beautiful she was, I got her flowers, listened to her when she needed a shoulder to cry on, I joked with her a lot, during that entire week I felt absolutely amazing with her. Then came the end of the week, where she told me she couldn't do this and broke up with me, telling me I was desperate and clingy (Which I at the time thought I was just showing her how much I cared about her), and blocked me. I had an art account which I reluctantly used to see her profile and found that a week after the breakup she started dating someone else. So that threw me for a spiral into depression.A little about me: I have my own life, im independent, im an artist, I love spray painting landscapes and graffiti, Im a software developer and currently I have an internship with NASA (im obsessed with space travel and its a dream to be an astronaut.) I am also an athlete, I do martial arts, I play baseball as a pitcher, and Im a gym shark. I get it, women are attracted to independence, and guys who have their own outside of their relationship. Im not trying to brag about myself or anything, I know im not the best looking dude in the world, im probably just a smidge above average (probably). I know what I want out of life, and personality wise, yea I love listening to others, about their lives, and what they are interested in, I am always striving to be as respectful and honest as possible, I slip up sometimes if Im having a bad day but im human. No my world does NOT revolve around the women I am interested in, I just feel good, knowing that I can make someone's day when they know how important they are to me.Fast forward to today, I am with this really beautiful woman who I like A LOT. She has told me she feels the same way about me too, but therein is where my problem lays. I am really afraid of losing this girl because of me showing her how much I care about her and showing how important she is too me. After the first girl, I am constantly asking myself if I am showing too much or too little interest out of fear of her thinking I am too desperate and too clingy. At the same time the last thing I want to do is play hard to get, or mind games with her, because I want her to know how much I appreciate her, how much I enjoy being with and spending time with her. Its taking a really emotional toll on me because I feel like I am not being myself around her since the last time I was myself around Girl A, she thought I was desperate. I just want to give this girl my all without having to be cautious with how much I give her. I understand that its probably infatuation but I really cant help it. It feels like im emotionally at war with myself and tearing me apart.​Does anyone have any advice? Even to just get rid of the worries?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more