Husband and I disagree about COVID safety

We can't seem to get on the same page and I feel like it's tearing our marriage apart. Just to emphasize - we both believe COVID is real and we both believe in wearing masks and social distancing. What we disagree about is how severe it needs to be.

To give some context, health and safety has been a major conflict in our marriage. My husband has extreme health anxiety bordering on OCD, whereas I am much more lax in regards to health issues.

Since March, we have both been extremely social distancing. I should state I am currently 32 weeks pregnant and my pregnancy has also heightened my husband's anxiety about us getting sick. We also have a 2 year old daughter. He is the only one who goes out anywhere, running errands, etc. He won't let me go out because he's worried I will get sick. He's very careful when he comes home - washes hands, changes clothes, and always wears a mask if he goes anywhere. I do the same if I ever have a doctor's appointment.

Around June, I started to get really bad depression. I'm already diagnosed with depression and take medication but have had to cut back on it for pregnancy. He works from home all day and I'm a teacher who's off for the summer, so I'm the one watching our daughter. She is a handful. She's in the terrible two stage, screams when she doesn't get what she wants, throws food on the floor, won't listen, needs constant attention and entertainment. I'm exhausted and being pregnant does not help. I literally have no help during the day while he is working. There is nowhere we can go. Sometimes we go for walks outside but that's about it. Everyday with her feels like a marathon.

On top of that, my husband is not able to help much on the weekends because he has bad sciatica and can't move much without being in extreme pain. He's taking muscle relaxants and doing virtual physical therapy but it doesn't seem to be helping a lot. So I'm basically my daughter's sole caretaker round the clock.

About a month ago, I expressed to my parents how difficult everything is and how I feel like I'm drowning. They have offered to help watch my daughter. My husband is NOT ok with that. He doesn't trust my parents to begin with, which is a whole nother issue.

My parents have been social distancing but still continue to visit my siblings and nephews/nieces. My sister has not been as careful. She takes her girls on playdates and to the pool. Because my parents are still seeing my sister and her family, my husband says we cannot have contact with them. I have reluctantly agreed.

We did come to an agreement that we could still see them if everyone wears masks and stays 6 feet apart. We have been doing that. This past week has been especially hard for me, and I met up with my parents to go for a walk. Everyone wore masks. After our walk my parents offered again to watch her, and I just broke down and said yes. We went into their house, which I told my husband I would not do. I rested on the couch while they played with her. We were in there for about 30 minutes. When I told my husband what happened he blew up and called me irresponsible and blamed me for putting our family in danger. He also said he can never trust me again.

Now we are at a point where I don't know how to move forward. I cannot keep this up. I am struggling and need help, and my parents are the only ones who are able to. I'm at the point where I'm willing to forego some of the restrictions to ease my mental health. My husband does not agree. This could go on for 2 or 3 more years. My feeling is that we are doing the best we can, but we can't be perfect. We could do everything right and still catch it. I feel like we need to be more flexible and do things within reason. I think it's reasonable to have my parents watch our daughter even just two days a week. He does not.

What can we even do about this?

Submitted August 21, 2020 at 11:53PM

We can't seem to get on the same page and I feel like it's tearing our marriage apart. Just to emphasize - we both believe COVID is real and we both believe in wearing masks and social distancing. What we disagree about is how severe it needs to be.To give some context, health and safety has been a major conflict in our marriage. My husband has extreme health anxiety bordering on OCD, whereas I am much more lax in regards to health issues.Since March, we have both been extremely social distancing. I should state I am currently 32 weeks pregnant and my pregnancy has also heightened my husband's anxiety about us getting sick. We also have a 2 year old daughter. He is the only one who goes out anywhere, running errands, etc. He won't let me go out because he's worried I will get sick. He's very careful when he comes home - washes hands, changes clothes, and always wears a mask if he goes anywhere. I do the same if I ever have a doctor's appointment.Around June, I started to get really bad depression. I'm already diagnosed with depression and take medication but have had to cut back on it for pregnancy. He works from home all day and I'm a teacher who's off for the summer, so I'm the one watching our daughter. She is a handful. She's in the terrible two stage, screams when she doesn't get what she wants, throws food on the floor, won't listen, needs constant attention and entertainment. I'm exhausted and being pregnant does not help. I literally have no help during the day while he is working. There is nowhere we can go. Sometimes we go for walks outside but that's about it. Everyday with her feels like a marathon.On top of that, my husband is not able to help much on the weekends because he has bad sciatica and can't move much without being in extreme pain. He's taking muscle relaxants and doing virtual physical therapy but it doesn't seem to be helping a lot. So I'm basically my daughter's sole caretaker round the clock.About a month ago, I expressed to my parents how difficult everything is and how I feel like I'm drowning. They have offered to help watch my daughter. My husband is NOT ok with that. He doesn't trust my parents to begin with, which is a whole nother issue.My parents have been social distancing but still continue to visit my siblings and nephews/nieces. My sister has not been as careful. She takes her girls on playdates and to the pool. Because my parents are still seeing my sister and her family, my husband says we cannot have contact with them. I have reluctantly agreed.We did come to an agreement that we could still see them if everyone wears masks and stays 6 feet apart. We have been doing that. This past week has been especially hard for me, and I met up with my parents to go for a walk. Everyone wore masks. After our walk my parents offered again to watch her, and I just broke down and said yes. We went into their house, which I told my husband I would not do. I rested on the couch while they played with her. We were in there for about 30 minutes. When I told my husband what happened he blew up and called me irresponsible and blamed me for putting our family in danger. He also said he can never trust me again.Now we are at a point where I don't know how to move forward. I cannot keep this up. I am struggling and need help, and my parents are the only ones who are able to. I'm at the point where I'm willing to forego some of the restrictions to ease my mental health. My husband does not agree. This could go on for 2 or 3 more years. My feeling is that we are doing the best we can, but we can't be perfect. We could do everything right and still catch it. I feel like we need to be more flexible and do things within reason. I think it's reasonable to have my parents watch our daughter even just two days a week. He does not.What can we even do about this?