/u/justabitlosthere on please for the love of god give me some guidance 😫

I don't know how much useful advice I (a 18f aro/ace) can offer but I'll try my best.

Have you considered that you might be greyasexual? Here's a link to the definition: Grey asexuality

I can't tell you how far your vaginismus controls your enjoyment of penetrative sex. Have you asked your gynaecologist about it? That seems like the best place to ask.

As for a "healthy" sex life. I don't think it actually exists. If you want to find sexual encounters enjoyable that's understandable but if you're trying to measure your experiences with those of "normal" people you won't find closure. There is no normal. There might be an average but if 9 people have sex once a week and one person has sex 20 times a week the average person has sex 3 times a week. Don't measure yourself by others' standards.

Lastly, your fantasies don't say anything about reality. Netflix has "sex explained", a documentary with a great episode about sexual fantasies and where they come from. It' s here if you want to check that out. But every expert said that fantasies are not an accurate measure as to what we enjoy in real life. So don't get too hung up on what your sex dreams could mean.

I hope this helped in any way. Good luck with your quest.





July 11, 2020 at 11:39PM
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