/u/happy-happy-sad on Came out to my parents yesterday, here’s how it went. (Spoiler: Not well)

I had basically the same thing happen to me when I first came out. It’s been five years for me now, so maybe I can give you some hope.

Pretty much the same thing happened: my mom says “it’s normal not to want to have sex until you’re actually in a relationship with someone you love; you’re completely normal and I don’t want to have to label yourself”, my dad sees the distress and changes the subject with a “we love you no matter what”. (Spoiler alert mom: if you think this is normal, then you may want to examine yourself.) My mom has a Master’s degree in psychology and early childhood development, so she was very adamant about how she has learned about brain chemistry and at the right time, our brains are hardwired to want to reproduce so if I’m not, that means my brain chemistry is off. Thanks, mom.

But I’ve been in college for a few years now and she’s gotten much better. Every conversation, she understands a little more and I understood where she was coming from as well. Most people who are parent-age to young adults and teenagers had a very different view of the LGBT community when they were growing up because if someone came out as gay or a lesbian back then, their sexuality was forced to be their entire identity because “normal” people put them in an “other” box. My mom didn’t want me to include myself in that group if I “didn’t have to” so other people wouldn’t ignore the rest of me and focus only on that part. If your mom is a supporter of the LGBT community but has no personal connection with it, I’m sure she has a similar thought process.

This wasn’t something I realized until I got older, but there is a disconnect in just plain information about the LGBT community between generations. As much as they have to be willing to learn, we have to be willing to teach. I hope you can get your mom to understand eventually like I was able to get mine to, but it might be a while. Hang in there.





June 18, 2020 at 11:52PM
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