/u/FarTooForgetful on Can I be asexual without having some sort of trauma?

IMO as a (now) 25 year old ace, it's never too early to decide what you are. You may change your mind, you may discover something about yourself and decide you fit into some other label better, but that's the thing about labeling yourself: the only person who it really matters to is you. Most people in the world don't care if you're straight, or gay, or bi, or ace, or whatever. Most people will give you a passing "Oh, okay." And move on. So there's no reason you can't decide now - the person it matters most to is you, and what most likely matters to you is that you feel you have something representative of yourself (if only for now and not always).

Personally? While I didn't know about the label at the time, I was pretty certain I was "different" than most others by the time I was like, 10. I didn't develop crushes, I didn't really have any kinds of feelings for anybody outside of just wanting to be friends, etc. etc. This continued well until I was going through puberty and even beyond it to this day, Puberty pretty much passed me by as a road sign covered with acne and not much else. I never really developed sexual urges of any kind, and never really thought of people for being "hot" or attractive or what have you. So while I may not have had a label when I was younger, I'm pretty sure my mind has been made up for a long time.

Something that another queer friend of mine asked me when I was actually having a similar conversation to this with him was, "Would you ever consider it too early for someone to call themselves straight?" To which the answer is no. It's never too early to try and find something that you are comfortable living with, and sure, you might change. You might get 5 years down the line, you might just meet that right person that makes you think that maybe asexual isn't quite right. Maybe you'll decide then that you're demi. Maybe you're a late bloomer and in a few years you'll decide you aren't on the ace spectrum at all. All of these things are totally fine, and don't invalidate who you are right now, or how you feel.

June 02, 2020 at 11:39PM