I just realized I was about to be shelved

I (f46) have been seeing a guy for over a year (m38) who was pretty persistent in the beginning, but we were definitely still seeing other people until the pandemic hit. Still, we saw each other pretty much once a week (or more) until this last month. Legitimately our kid schedules stopped lining up and things started opening up and we both got busy. He’s been clear all along that this is something he wants... for now. Seems to think my life would make his pretty complicated, even though I have no interest in that kind of mess.

In the past, I would have felt the pullback and panicked. But this time? I just asked what was up, let him know if he’s not into it anymore that’s ok, and got the long list of reasons he was busy (why do we do that when we could all just say I’m just not interested in prioritizing you right now?), and his need for time to himself. All legit, and probably mostly true, but also all shit we say when we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I made clear I’d love to stay friends, and have no hard feelings either way, but am not chasing penis all over town either. He said he didn’t want anything to change.

Buuuuut.... my gut? Ya know?? It just says nope, he’s sliding into ghosting territory. I have no issue pulling back and not chasing something he’s not into. But my question is, do I try to salvage the friendship? Or does that keep me too much on the shelf? I do like the guy and we have a pretty incredible physical connection, but I’m ok with it not being some deep, committed thing. However, I’m not really interested in sticking around while I get sidelined romantically and physically. Partly because it’s not that big deal and partly because who wants to be treated that way? I guess I wonder what you all think is the best way to slide out on my own, especially since the direct approach has just backed him up and had him say he really likes what we’ve got, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Submitted June 27, 2020 at 11:35PM

I (f46) have been seeing a guy for over a year (m38) who was pretty persistent in the beginning, but we were definitely still seeing other people until the pandemic hit. Still, we saw each other pretty much once a week (or more) until this last month. Legitimately our kid schedules stopped lining up and things started opening up and we both got busy. He’s been clear all along that this is something he wants... for now. Seems to think my life would make his pretty complicated, even though I have no interest in that kind of mess.In the past, I would have felt the pullback and panicked. But this time? I just asked what was up, let him know if he’s not into it anymore that’s ok, and got the long list of reasons he was busy (why do we do that when we could all just say I’m just not interested in prioritizing you right now?), and his need for time to himself. All legit, and probably mostly true, but also all shit we say when we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I made clear I’d love to stay friends, and have no hard feelings either way, but am not chasing penis all over town either. He said he didn’t want anything to change.Buuuuut.... my gut? Ya know?? It just says nope, he’s sliding into ghosting territory. I have no issue pulling back and not chasing something he’s not into. But my question is, do I try to salvage the friendship? Or does that keep me too much on the shelf? I do like the guy and we have a pretty incredible physical connection, but I’m ok with it not being some deep, committed thing. However, I’m not really interested in sticking around while I get sidelined romantically and physically. Partly because it’s not that big deal and partly because who wants to be treated that way? I guess I wonder what you all think is the best way to slide out on my own, especially since the direct approach has just backed him up and had him say he really likes what we’ve got, despite all the evidence to the contrary.