Husband and porn

So my husband and I have been married for 5 months now. I have no issues that he watches porn and does his thing but now it’s making me feel some type of way. Honestly, I was fine with it up until he told me what was in his phone and why he had a pic of his ex. A little while back I asked to borrow his phone to make a call and mind you, at the time my phone had no service so it was pretty much useless. After I was done with the call, I jokingly told him that I was gonna check out his photo album. The day before, he had taken a photo of me and I just wanted to see the photo again. I also want to mention that he just got the phone so I know that there wasn’t a lot of photos. Anyways, when I told him that he quickly snatched his phone from my hand and that’s when I realized that something wasn’t right. I’ve always trusted my husband before all of this happened and I felt that we’ve honestly have been open with one another so that’s why I didn’t really think anything was wrong. I asked him why he was so quick to take the phone and now I want to see what was in his photo album. Everything got serious from then. I kept asking him what was in his phone and each time my facial expression got even more serious and my voice started cracking bc I felt like I was going to cry. I knew he was about to tell me something that I wouldn’t like. He finally came out with it and told me that he had a pic of his high school sweetheart and he was pleasuring himself to the photo of her. My heart sank and tears rolled down my eyes. I was in disbelief. I didn’t even know how to feel about the whole situation. Really felt like someone was punching my stomach and I wanted to throw up. He said it wasn’t a really big deal and that it was just his high school sweetheart. I told him I didn’t care that he watches porn and jerk off to pornstars but this was his ex and that’s why it really bothered me so much. Afterwards, we had a serous talk and just went about our life. But for me, I didn’t trust him the way I used to anymore. And now every time he watches porn and jerk off, I feel upset bc I just get flashbacks of that whole situation. I felt like I even lost a little attraction of him. It really made me insecure bc I thought our sex life was great. Sometimes I feel like he would rather jerk off than have intimate time with me. I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t find me attractive bc he watches porn almost everyday. I never say no to him bc I love him so much but now I don’t even want to be around him sometimes. I understand that he has needs but like I’m willing to give it to him every time he wants it without any hesitation. I just don’t understand. At one point, I even thought about just getting a divorce but I really wanted to make things work since we just got married. But now I don’t even know. I haven’t really told him how I feel bc I don’t want him to say that I need to get over it and let it go. I honestly felt so disrespected and disappointed bc I would never do that to him. Now, I even think that he doesn’t love me the way I love him. He’s also 6 years older than me so i really expected more from him. Maybe it’s not a big deal? But I still think it’s mess up. Even before this, I was having issues with my self image and so it made it worse. But now it’s been a couple months so I taught myself to be more confident and have gain self-love. I realized that I deserve more that and I never really depended on my husband for anything. I’ve always been such an independent person. So idk if I should just work it out with him or go through all the troubles of getting divorce and moving on? Or should I just forgive and let it go. Maybe I’m overreacting. But please give me some advice on what I should do.

Submitted June 08, 2020 at 11:37PM

So my husband and I have been married for 5 months now. I have no issues that he watches porn and does his thing but now it’s making me feel some type of way. Honestly, I was fine with it up until he told me what was in his phone and why he had a pic of his ex. A little while back I asked to borrow his phone to make a call and mind you, at the time my phone had no service so it was pretty much useless. After I was done with the call, I jokingly told him that I was gonna check out his photo album. The day before, he had taken a photo of me and I just wanted to see the photo again. I also want to mention that he just got the phone so I know that there wasn’t a lot of photos. Anyways, when I told him that he quickly snatched his phone from my hand and that’s when I realized that something wasn’t right. I’ve always trusted my husband before all of this happened and I felt that we’ve honestly have been open with one another so that’s why I didn’t really think anything was wrong. I asked him why he was so quick to take the phone and now I want to see what was in his photo album. Everything got serious from then. I kept asking him what was in his phone and each time my facial expression got even more serious and my voice started cracking bc I felt like I was going to cry. I knew he was about to tell me something that I wouldn’t like. He finally came out with it and told me that he had a pic of his high school sweetheart and he was pleasuring himself to the photo of her. My heart sank and tears rolled down my eyes. I was in disbelief. I didn’t even know how to feel about the whole situation. Really felt like someone was punching my stomach and I wanted to throw up. He said it wasn’t a really big deal and that it was just his high school sweetheart. I told him I didn’t care that he watches porn and jerk off to pornstars but this was his ex and that’s why it really bothered me so much. Afterwards, we had a serous talk and just went about our life. But for me, I didn’t trust him the way I used to anymore. And now every time he watches porn and jerk off, I feel upset bc I just get flashbacks of that whole situation. I felt like I even lost a little attraction of him. It really made me insecure bc I thought our sex life was great. Sometimes I feel like he would rather jerk off than have intimate time with me. I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t find me attractive bc he watches porn almost everyday. I never say no to him bc I love him so much but now I don’t even want to be around him sometimes. I understand that he has needs but like I’m willing to give it to him every time he wants it without any hesitation. I just don’t understand. At one point, I even thought about just getting a divorce but I really wanted to make things work since we just got married. But now I don’t even know. I haven’t really told him how I feel bc I don’t want him to say that I need to get over it and let it go. I honestly felt so disrespected and disappointed bc I would never do that to him. Now, I even think that he doesn’t love me the way I love him. He’s also 6 years older than me so i really expected more from him. Maybe it’s not a big deal? But I still think it’s mess up. Even before this, I was having issues with my self image and so it made it worse. But now it’s been a couple months so I taught myself to be more confident and have gain self-love. I realized that I deserve more that and I never really depended on my husband for anything. I’ve always been such an independent person. So idk if I should just work it out with him or go through all the troubles of getting divorce and moving on? Or should I just forgive and let it go. Maybe I’m overreacting. But please give me some advice on what I should do.