How to deal with a flaky friend

My[28F] best friend [28F] who I have known for almost a decade is one of the best people I know. She's intelligent, unassuming, always there for me, and she is one of the few people in my life I know I can tell anything to without fear of being judged. But she is also extremely flaky. She's not flaky in the traditional sense we all know but in her own way, I'll explain below.

We would make plans to go rock climbing one day, and close to the time of when we're suppose to meet up she would text me and say she did arm workouts that morning and is therefore too tired to go rock climbing and can we just get brunch instead.

She would invite me to her parent's house for the weekend promising that we would do all of these fun suburban fall activities together (we both live in NYC) but when the weekend approaches she would say her parents wants her to go and grocery shop, and cook, and help them pick out a new car and would ask that I take the train 1.5 hours to her parent's house just to go to lunch instead.

Tonight after not seeing each other for over a month due to the quarantine we had a facetime date and then trivia game night with friends set up. But when I call her for facetime she said she would be too busy cooking/baking and can't talk or make it to trivia and ask if I could catch up at 9:30 instead.

I know all of these may seem really petty and insignificant but it's gotten to the point where when we make grand plans I either don't believe that they'll happen or I'll anticipate a text from her changing the plans in one way or another.

I want to talk to her about this but I'm not sure how to approach it without coming off as accusatory or petty. Do you guys have any advice?

tl;dr how do I talk to my flaky friend about how her flakiness is affecting our friendship?



Submitted April 05, 2020 at 12:13AM

My[28F] best friend [28F] who I have known for almost a decade is one of the best people I know. She's intelligent, unassuming, always there for me, and she is one of the few people in my life I know I can tell anything to without fear of being judged. But she is also extremely flaky. She's not flaky in the traditional sense we all know but in her own way, I'll explain below.We would make plans to go rock climbing one day, and close to the time of when we're suppose to meet up she would text me and say she did arm workouts that morning and is therefore too tired to go rock climbing and can we just get brunch instead.She would invite me to her parent's house for the weekend promising that we would do all of these fun suburban fall activities together (we both live in NYC) but when the weekend approaches she would say her parents wants her to go and grocery shop, and cook, and help them pick out a new car and would ask that I take the train 1.5 hours to her parent's house just to go to lunch instead.Tonight after not seeing each other for over a month due to the quarantine we had a facetime date and then trivia game night with friends set up. But when I call her for facetime she said she would be too busy cooking/baking and can't talk or make it to trivia and ask if I could catch up at 9:30 instead.I know all of these may seem really petty and insignificant but it's gotten to the point where when we make grand plans I either don't believe that they'll happen or I'll anticipate a text from her changing the plans in one way or another.I want to talk to her about this but I'm not sure how to approach it without coming off as accusatory or petty. Do you guys have any advice?tl;dr how do I talk to my flaky friend about how her flakiness is affecting our friendship?
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