Constant disturbing memories popping up

TLDR; My gf broke up with me and the memories of being with her are still haunting me to this day.

Okay. So around 2 years before my life got turned around, I didn’t like university, my ex-girlfriend for 2 years broken up with me and I generally didn’t know what to do in life which pushed me to the ground so hard. To mention some good things too, I did not get lost, shortly after I started working out, I got into a nice incubation programme with my startup where I could develop my social skills further and gain a shit ton of life experience and I learned a lot of new stuff related to software development too. Now I’m working as a freelance software engineer and life seems to be great for the outsider. But the truth is that I’m still suffering from the happenings from the past, there are times when it’s better and nothing bad comes to my mind or times (like now) when I literally can’t fall asleep because pictures of my bad memories are popping up inside my brain, it’s fucking disturbing. Generally the situation is like when I’m alone and unfortunately not focusing on doing something specific these memories are starting to invade me, they’re not always bad memories, just memories which I want to forget like being together somewhere or I’m talking with her mum etc. It got a lot better than before when I got really angry and said when this happens, now it’s just something I don’t want to think of and finally move on with my life, but I can’t. And I’m usually not at home doing nothing, but this shit is not going away. Actually I’ve only been once with a woman since than and it was an awful drunk experience. And on the top of that in my country meeting girls is so much harder than in the USA because they’re not that open minded. I’m not that usual guy which makes dating even harder, because after all I want to find someone I can be comfortable with and with whom we actually like each others personality. And yes I actually feel lonely, and I don’t really know why I’m working that much because it’s not helping me getting happier.

Sorry for posting a complete mess, but I had to get this out of myself.



Submitted April 05, 2020 at 12:12AM

TLDR; My gf broke up with me and the memories of being with her are still haunting me to this day.Okay. So around 2 years before my life got turned around, I didn’t like university, my ex-girlfriend for 2 years broken up with me and I generally didn’t know what to do in life which pushed me to the ground so hard. To mention some good things too, I did not get lost, shortly after I started working out, I got into a nice incubation programme with my startup where I could develop my social skills further and gain a shit ton of life experience and I learned a lot of new stuff related to software development too. Now I’m working as a freelance software engineer and life seems to be great for the outsider. But the truth is that I’m still suffering from the happenings from the past, there are times when it’s better and nothing bad comes to my mind or times (like now) when I literally can’t fall asleep because pictures of my bad memories are popping up inside my brain, it’s fucking disturbing. Generally the situation is like when I’m alone and unfortunately not focusing on doing something specific these memories are starting to invade me, they’re not always bad memories, just memories which I want to forget like being together somewhere or I’m talking with her mum etc. It got a lot better than before when I got really angry and said when this happens, now it’s just something I don’t want to think of and finally move on with my life, but I can’t. And I’m usually not at home doing nothing, but this shit is not going away. Actually I’ve only been once with a woman since than and it was an awful drunk experience. And on the top of that in my country meeting girls is so much harder than in the USA because they’re not that open minded. I’m not that usual guy which makes dating even harder, because after all I want to find someone I can be comfortable with and with whom we actually like each others personality. And yes I actually feel lonely, and I don’t really know why I’m working that much because it’s not helping me getting happier.Sorry for posting a complete mess, but I had to get this out of myself.
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