Balancing the housework

First I am so happy I found this safe space. I’ve gotten great advice and ideas from here. So thank you all in advanced.

I’m basically wondering how do I ask my husband to pitch in more without it sounding or without him feeling like I am criticizing what he does do. I don’t want to take away from what he contributes, however:

I do get home before him, I’ll start with that. When I get home, I am doing things with him in mind. Essentially: what can I do now that will ease and de stress his home evening time? Could be get dinner started, de clutter, throw in laundry. I do accept that I could probably leave the place a mess and it wouldn’t bother him, but, sigh, I try.

On the occasional times he gets home first, everything is a mess and nothing has been started and he’s on the couch eating chips watching tv. I feel sort of bummed that he doesn’t reciprocate thinking of me.

Perhaps it’s my love language and I can open the conversation like that? I also want to talk about our future and how we’re planning on having a baby soon, and I’d like to see him pick it up and help more. Again: how do approach and have this conversation without sounding like an attack. He is often defensive and does not take well to criticism. He’s the youngest and only boy and grew up with his mother doing it all.

I am happy to make life smooth at home, but it would just be nice for it to be done for me sometimes. I hope I’m being level and clear. Thank you!

Submitted March 03, 2020 at 11:18PM

First I am so happy I found this safe space. I’ve gotten great advice and ideas from here. So thank you all in advanced.I’m basically wondering how do I ask my husband to pitch in more without it sounding or without him feeling like I am criticizing what he does do. I don’t want to take away from what he contributes, however:I do get home before him, I’ll start with that. When I get home, I am doing things with him in mind. Essentially: what can I do now that will ease and de stress his home evening time? Could be get dinner started, de clutter, throw in laundry. I do accept that I could probably leave the place a mess and it wouldn’t bother him, but, sigh, I try.On the occasional times he gets home first, everything is a mess and nothing has been started and he’s on the couch eating chips watching tv. I feel sort of bummed that he doesn’t reciprocate thinking of me.Perhaps it’s my love language and I can open the conversation like that? I also want to talk about our future and how we’re planning on having a baby soon, and I’d like to see him pick it up and help more. Again: how do approach and have this conversation without sounding like an attack. He is often defensive and does not take well to criticism. He’s the youngest and only boy and grew up with his mother doing it all.I am happy to make life smooth at home, but it would just be nice for it to be done for me sometimes. I hope I’m being level and clear. Thank you!