Past relationship analysis I guess

Hi all, Not sure this belongs here, so let me know if there is a better place for this.

I’m (F33) trying to understand if there is something I did wrong in my last relationship with a man who was younger than me (M27). We met when I was 31 and he was 25.

This is a very long story, so not sure how to make it concise but not leave anything important out.

We started dating 2 years ago, we met at work (I know, it’s not a good idea, but it happened). It was a very intense relationship in a sense that we fell in love very quickly, had so much in common and really felt like we were meant for each other. Spent almost every day with each other. We kind of worried that the age difference might be an issue but went ahead with it anyway, because we loved each other.

It was a little more complicated because he came from a religious family, while he wasn’t religious. He hid a lot of things from his parents, like the fact that he drinks and also is dating me. I thought this would be temporary.

I didn’t press him on that particular issue, but we would sometimes talk about the cultural differences, didn’t think it would be a problem.

A lot happened, like I fell into a depression, wasn’t sure why, I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me. Saw a psychotherapist, didn’t really get to the bottom of it. In any case, he was there for me for some of it. Eventually he started a conversation, saying that he’s not sure he can give me the things I want- such as starting a family in the next few years. I told him that I’d likely want to have kids when I hit 35, because it gets difficult after that age. He kept saying that he wants to travel the world, and he can’t see himself settling down at 28.

So we broke up, it seemed like a mutual break up on paper, but really I think I was the breakee.

We got back together for a bit, because we wanted to try again. So at that point I asked him if he would introduce me to his family, since he already told his mom about me when we were broken up, she actually reacted well to it and said she’s ok with it as long as he’s happy.

For the 3 months we were together again I was waiting for him to make the move, I hadn’t even met his siblings the entire time we were together, it just felt like I’m some sort of bad secret that he has to hide from everyone.

He would say “oh my mom is going through something, I don’t know what would happen if I tell her about us”. I wasn’t demanding or anything, I just asked him a few times when he thought it would be a good idea to tell them.

Eventually he said the same thing and ended things.

Now where it gets really painful is he starts dating a girl, from work, who’s basically me, when it comes to her personality, what she likes, same religion and age as me. All the while I’m still in love with him. It just didn’t make sense to me.

I eventually ended up taking medical leave from that workplace, because it turned out I had bipolar and I had to be admitted to a hospital. Not putting blame on anyone, but usually stress is a big trigger for this disorder, and I was quite stressed about it all.

And I found out that he’s planning to marry her now. The pain is unbearable, I’ve tried really hard to accept and move on. But he’s on my mind everyday, I keep thinking if I made a mistake and pressured him and pushed him away. I’m just trying to understand why he wouldn’t commit to me, but have no problem marrying this girl.

I don’t expect many people will read this all the way, so thanks if you did. It’s obviously not as simple as all that, but I would have to write a book to go into all the detail.

TLDR: Boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn’t see himself settling down young due to our 6 year age difference and is now marrying a girl my age.

Submitted July 26, 2019 at 11:57PM

Hi all, Not sure this belongs here, so let me know if there is a better place for this.I’m (F33) trying to understand if there is something I did wrong in my last relationship with a man who was younger than me (M27). We met when I was 31 and he was 25.This is a very long story, so not sure how to make it concise but not leave anything important out.We started dating 2 years ago, we met at work (I know, it’s not a good idea, but it happened). It was a very intense relationship in a sense that we fell in love very quickly, had so much in common and really felt like we were meant for each other. Spent almost every day with each other. We kind of worried that the age difference might be an issue but went ahead with it anyway, because we loved each other.It was a little more complicated because he came from a religious family, while he wasn’t religious. He hid a lot of things from his parents, like the fact that he drinks and also is dating me. I thought this would be temporary.I didn’t press him on that particular issue, but we would sometimes talk about the cultural differences, didn’t think it would be a problem.A lot happened, like I fell into a depression, wasn’t sure why, I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me. Saw a psychotherapist, didn’t really get to the bottom of it. In any case, he was there for me for some of it. Eventually he started a conversation, saying that he’s not sure he can give me the things I want- such as starting a family in the next few years. I told him that I’d likely want to have kids when I hit 35, because it gets difficult after that age. He kept saying that he wants to travel the world, and he can’t see himself settling down at 28.So we broke up, it seemed like a mutual break up on paper, but really I think I was the breakee.We got back together for a bit, because we wanted to try again. So at that point I asked him if he would introduce me to his family, since he already told his mom about me when we were broken up, she actually reacted well to it and said she’s ok with it as long as he’s happy.For the 3 months we were together again I was waiting for him to make the move, I hadn’t even met his siblings the entire time we were together, it just felt like I’m some sort of bad secret that he has to hide from everyone.He would say “oh my mom is going through something, I don’t know what would happen if I tell her about us”. I wasn’t demanding or anything, I just asked him a few times when he thought it would be a good idea to tell them.Eventually he said the same thing and ended things.Now where it gets really painful is he starts dating a girl, from work, who’s basically me, when it comes to her personality, what she likes, same religion and age as me. All the while I’m still in love with him. It just didn’t make sense to me.I eventually ended up taking medical leave from that workplace, because it turned out I had bipolar and I had to be admitted to a hospital. Not putting blame on anyone, but usually stress is a big trigger for this disorder, and I was quite stressed about it all.And I found out that he’s planning to marry her now. The pain is unbearable, I’ve tried really hard to accept and move on. But he’s on my mind everyday, I keep thinking if I made a mistake and pressured him and pushed him away. I’m just trying to understand why he wouldn’t commit to me, but have no problem marrying this girl.I don’t expect many people will read this all the way, so thanks if you did. It’s obviously not as simple as all that, but I would have to write a book to go into all the detail.TLDR: Boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn’t see himself settling down young due to our 6 year age difference and is now marrying a girl my age.