/u/kayaut on Hmm. Wonder if this has happened to anyone here lol

edit: just realized you ARE the commenter that mentioned Asperger's, so please ignore any bits that make it sound like you aren't Autistic!!!

My point being, had the person just straight out asked you, instead of expecting you to understand in the same unspoken way, life would have been much easier, imo.

It takes a lot of mental energy for me to be engaged in a conversation the way Neurotypicals (in general) expect me to be. People think that ASD 1/Asperger's just means you have a social disorder, but I literally can't block out stimulus.

My eyes see everything. Every movement, leaves, flowers, color, light. It can be great but also really overwhelming if I'm in a very decorated restaurant, and I'm cataloguing everything, looking for patterns, noticing every person, aware of the number of times servers went to other tables, that woman with the black hair and the plaid top just coughed...what did my friend just say?

Then there's noise. The world is a constant cacophony. The other day, on a quiet day off, I heard my main ticking clock, whose sound I enjoy. But I heard a secondary tickling. Got up to find it. Was my boyfriend's dresser drawer under socks in our bedroom. With the door shut.

And this isn't with ADHD/ADD symptoms. This is constant. And for me, personally, it "writes to disc," as I call it.

So everything is being saved to my brain hard disc/hard drive, and so so so much mental RAM is being used to do so, that my ability to participate in social acceptable ways becomes diminished.

Mind you, depending on how much sleep I got, what my morning consisted of, we didn't change the plans radically, and I've been there before, I can be good for a couple of hours before I simply can't do anything. I can get so depleted I can't drive, and unfortunately, I'm the kind of Autistic that isn't good at checking in on their body. I will literally work myself to injury because I just don't realize the toll is being taken in real time.

So. Like I said. When people, be they medical/professionals, friends, coworkers, supervisors, if the perception is just that I am awkward, don't understand sarcasm or when someone is joking or taking things too literally, all of my sensory issues are then being disregarded. These sensory issues heavily impact my ability to speak, interpret and understand, and physically perform whatever is being request if it's a job.

Considering all of that, is it so hard to be very specific with what you mean, instead of beating around the bush and being upset when I miss it because I'm not fully "on" due to surrounding stimulus or mental energy?

I cannot tell you how horrible it is to be expected to do all of the leg work when it's someone else that wants my company. On my overload days, I don't speak. I become non-verbal and non-communicative/don't use gestures. EVERY Autistic is capable of being bombarded to that point. Like a meltdown, but a shutdown.

This got lengthy and I don't know if it entirely explains what you asked but I can't assume you don't need or want all of the pieces (because I want all of the information all of the time hahaha).

Let me know if you have other questions. I'd be happy to answer but also keep in mind that I don't speak for all Autistic people.

"If you've met one Autistic, you've met one Autistic."

June 14, 2019 at 12:38AM