Married, Sexually Frustrated and Fantasizing about Ex

So, I've been with my husband for 8 years, and I adore him. However, our sex life has become lackluster, and I find myself daydreaming about an ex from 8 years ago every single day.

My ex, let's call him Matt, was hypersexual, adventurous, kinky, well-endowed, skilled, passionate, attentive, and he fucked me at least 3 times a day (I think our record was 8 or more one time).

And in addition to the primal stuff, he was the first and only person who felt like he was truly making love to me when we engaged in softer, passionate sex. Every molecule in his body was pointed towards mine. He was completely present and in tune with every smell, sensation, etc. When we kissed, it was like his soul was trying to jump into my body so our souls could live together and vice versa.

During these sessions, I finally understood that making love wasn't about getting off, but about loving someone so much that you want to invite them into the deepest part of you--physically and emotionally. And the pure act of love was the best way to consummate that. I wanted to melt into him like osmosis. So, I wanted him physically inside me. It was transformative.

We came with each other every single time. It seemed like we were completely in sync, and the idea of pleasuring me turned him on so much, he couldn't help himself when I reached my peak.

Matt and I had been best friends for 6 years before we became romantic. We would stay up all night talking in his car, and then he'd drive me to some pretty, secret place to watch the sunset. He was the only person I felt comfortable around during some of my darkest days (I suffered from depression/anxiety as a teen).

Unfortunately, he had a different kind of dark side. He did not have a good relationship with his mother, and he treated women poorly as a result--he even told me once that he thought all women were "sluts."

He once peed on me in the shower when I asked him not to, and he started screaming at me when I calmly walked away from him after he did that. He once threw all of my stuff out of his car and left me on a sidewalk during a fight--only to return 15 min later and demand that I get back inside.

He tried dating a friend of mine right after we broke up. I introduced them at a party, and they secretly hung out for a while. She claims she didn't know he was my ex until later (which is prob bs because why wouldn't she say "Hey, I met a guy at your party" right away instead of secretly seeing him for months), but when she was "sure" who he was, she broke it off.

He threw this painful bit in my face when I met up with him a few years after the breakup (before I met my husband). I didn't even know they hooked up because she never told me, and he tipped me off when he said "How's Kaitlyn?" with a mischievous smile.

In short, we were fine as friends (though he was in love with me from the start), amazing as lovers but horrible at the relationship because it was tumultuous-- I had my share of fuckups too.

My husband is someone I can build with. Our love is healthy (for the most part) and sustainable, but I am extremely unfulfilled sexually. He doesn't like to talk about sex--he treats it like it's immoral. He rarely gets me off because he doesn't like the positions that make me cum. He doesn't like when I tell him what I like, but he has no prob telling me what to do. And I hate to say this, but his girth is not that big (like my ex), and that makes a difference.

If I tell him I'm about to cum, he'll slow down and say "not yet," and then it NEVER happens because he'll finish first or I'll just lose my nerve. We have had good sex, but it's not that common.

Matt reached out to me last year, and he tried getting in touch in the beginning of my relationship with my husband. When he asked me how I was doing last year, I told him I was getting married, and he didn't respond for a full week, and I am assuming it was because he was upset. Aside from the "I'm well. How are you? What are you doing for work, blah, blah, blah"chit chat, the comment about me getting married was the extent of our exchange.

I fantasize about us having a sexual fling even though I WILL NEVER do it. But it's a constant fantasy. Every. Single. Day.

Submitted June 02, 2019 at 11:39PM

So, I've been with my husband for 8 years, and I adore him. However, our sex life has become lackluster, and I find myself daydreaming about an ex from 8 years ago every single day.My ex, let's call him Matt, was hypersexual, adventurous, kinky, well-endowed, skilled, passionate, attentive, and he fucked me at least 3 times a day (I think our record was 8 or more one time).And in addition to the primal stuff, he was the first and only person who felt like he was truly making love to me when we engaged in softer, passionate sex. Every molecule in his body was pointed towards mine. He was completely present and in tune with every smell, sensation, etc. When we kissed, it was like his soul was trying to jump into my body so our souls could live together and vice versa.During these sessions, I finally understood that making love wasn't about getting off, but about loving someone so much that you want to invite them into the deepest part of you--physically and emotionally. And the pure act of love was the best way to consummate that. I wanted to melt into him like osmosis. So, I wanted him physically inside me. It was transformative.We came with each other every single time. It seemed like we were completely in sync, and the idea of pleasuring me turned him on so much, he couldn't help himself when I reached my peak.Matt and I had been best friends for 6 years before we became romantic. We would stay up all night talking in his car, and then he'd drive me to some pretty, secret place to watch the sunset. He was the only person I felt comfortable around during some of my darkest days (I suffered from depression/anxiety as a teen).Unfortunately, he had a different kind of dark side. He did not have a good relationship with his mother, and he treated women poorly as a result--he even told me once that he thought all women were "sluts."He once peed on me in the shower when I asked him not to, and he started screaming at me when I calmly walked away from him after he did that. He once threw all of my stuff out of his car and left me on a sidewalk during a fight--only to return 15 min later and demand that I get back inside.He tried dating a friend of mine right after we broke up. I introduced them at a party, and they secretly hung out for a while. She claims she didn't know he was my ex until later (which is prob bs because why wouldn't she say "Hey, I met a guy at your party" right away instead of secretly seeing him for months), but when she was "sure" who he was, she broke it off.He threw this painful bit in my face when I met up with him a few years after the breakup (before I met my husband). I didn't even know they hooked up because she never told me, and he tipped me off when he said "How's Kaitlyn?" with a mischievous smile.In short, we were fine as friends (though he was in love with me from the start), amazing as lovers but horrible at the relationship because it was tumultuous-- I had my share of fuckups too.My husband is someone I can build with. Our love is healthy (for the most part) and sustainable, but I am extremely unfulfilled sexually. He doesn't like to talk about sex--he treats it like it's immoral. He rarely gets me off because he doesn't like the positions that make me cum. He doesn't like when I tell him what I like, but he has no prob telling me what to do. And I hate to say this, but his girth is not that big (like my ex), and that makes a difference.If I tell him I'm about to cum, he'll slow down and say "not yet," and then it NEVER happens because he'll finish first or I'll just lose my nerve. We have had good sex, but it's not that common.Matt reached out to me last year, and he tried getting in touch in the beginning of my relationship with my husband. When he asked me how I was doing last year, I told him I was getting married, and he didn't respond for a full week, and I am assuming it was because he was upset. Aside from the "I'm well. How are you? What are you doing for work, blah, blah, blah"chit chat, the comment about me getting married was the extent of our exchange.I fantasize about us having a sexual fling even though I WILL NEVER do it. But it's a constant fantasy. Every. Single. Day.