This is a very helpful reply, thank you! Don't worry, she and I have always been very open in regards to our communication and I would never dream of cheating on her to satisfy my base desires. I think that first sentence in your first point is really big, as she's explicitly said in the past that she doesn't understand what it feels like. She also consented to things she didn't want to do, but we've grown beyond that. It just never worked, for either of us... I always make it clear that if we're going to do something, I want her to be comfortable and I want her to be able to enjoy it with me. In regards to being open about what I need, I'm worried that I'll hurt her or make her feel inadequate. Do you have any advice on how I could tell her without hurting her? Also, we talked about an open relationship (polygamous is the term, I think?) and we decided that it probably wasn't worth the potential pain and risk. November 15, 2020 at 11:57PM

sometimes just knowing where you stand and how you feel can clear up your anxiety. thats basically it. even tho 'where i stand' is that sex is just 'okay' . but okay is better than a confusing and scary unknown factor November 15, 2020 at 11:50PM

I was a little confused, because it seems counterintuitive, but upon further consideration, I suppose this makes sense. Like, if you're not asexual and you're looking for sex, you're probably looking for someone you're attracted to, and unlikely to be interested in anyone else. Whereas, if you are sex-positive to sex-neutral and asexual, what matters then isn't necessarily attraction to whomever you're with, because that's barking up entirely the wrong tree, but more whether everyone's having a good time? Am I understanding the situation correctly? I've thought too much about this, now I'm not going to be able to sleep unless I know. November 15, 2020 at 11:48PM

I (22F and ace) have been with my ex boyfriend for 5 years. We didn't break up because we hate each other: I decided to do it because he is extremely sexual and kept desiring other girls. I want to give him time to explore his desire without me bothering, but I couldn't handle it as a girlfriend. We now are really good friends and we are waiting for the right moment to be a couple again after a self reflection time when we can have the experiences we need. It's pretty good :) So I perfectly know what it feels like and, as the ace in the couple, here's what I wish you could do for your partner Make sure your partner knows what you feel when you are horny. I had a really low self esteem because I didn't know I was ace when we first started dating and the fact that he openly said that he was attracted to other girls made me feel ugly and worthless, almost as I couldn't even satisfy him. Well. Let your partner know that you love her and you are with her because...

Girls can be asexual too lmao. like me 😎 November 15, 2020 at 11:47PM

Huh? November 15, 2020 at 11:45PM

i think it’s possible to have forever connections and love with beings, romantically or not. i’ve been through everything with my little brother, and i’d do anything for him bc he’s my OG best friend. the same goes for my pet, who’s also been with me through some pivotal points in my life (also view him as a best friend). same goes for my actual best friends who i’ve known for 12-14 years and still keep contact with. imo relationships are something you must constantly nurture. some people don’t have the patience or capacity to deal with conflicts or difficulties that might arise. ik i’ve given up on a lot of relationships i could’ve put more effort into just bc i was over dealing with them, but in my current romantic relationship we’ve tackled our conflicts in therapy, and have come out a lot stronger. ik my older family members have also gone to therapy with their S.O.s to work on their relationships, and love isn’t on a constant wavelength throughout the entirety of a relationship. ...