Can I get some thoughts on a relationship I had to end last year?

This is a rambling mess. Excuse how shuffled it is.

This was an on and off again ex. It was never too nasty or anything just, not the right timing type deal. We didn't speak for 4 years and one day she hits me up. Immediately we're into it, feels awesome, just super lovey dovey, fucking a lot, she'd send sweet messages in the morning, pictures because I liked seeing her, typical stuff.

Two months in, completely dies down. Like I mean a 180. We'd still have sex, but it felt more muted and obligatory. She told me I was being too affectionate, and that she's just not that affectionate. It became difficult to talk to her. She'd act snide or irritated, like the relationship became a nuisance. I spoke to her about it and she said she didn't want to make me the focal point of her life. I was like sure that's okay, I just enjoy time with you and expressing my feelings. In response she told me that I was right and that she shouldn't have been so extreme. Nothing changes for the next 6 months, even though I bring it up multiple times. She once called it a "hassle." Another time, she mentioned how the difficulty in life makes her want to kill herself, and while I thought it was just an exaggeration, she said "sorry. this is how i feel. you're going to have to deal with that." I suffer from depression too, but her saying that stung since she just made life so much better for me.The thing that really kind of made me realize I couldn't do it anymore was a picture. I just sent this stupid picture of two bunnies cuddling and said "which are you", and she responded "the carrot in the corner." At this point it just felt like she was intentionally trying to make me feel bad, and a few weeks later I had to end it.

I'm always going to care for this person. The times things were good, I've never felt such joy for life, such fervor. I fear I may never feel that again, but I had to end it because I felt more alone than actually being alone when she was so distant. I want to try to understand it better so I can try to let go more easily.

The main question here that I have is, has anyone else experienced this level of emotional whiplash? Like a change in someone's demeanor that's near instant? I just can't understand being so loving at first and then just taking it away. Was I being manipulated? When I ended it with her, she said "I clearly don't make you happy" and she seemed genuinely upset, it crushed me. Why would someone be that wonderful only to be so cold after? Thanks for taking the time to read this bullshit if you do. I'll clarify if need be.

Submitted October 28, 2023 at 12:12AM

This is a rambling mess. Excuse how shuffled it is.This was an on and off again ex. It was never too nasty or anything just, not the right timing type deal. We didn't speak for 4 years and one day she hits me up. Immediately we're into it, feels awesome, just super lovey dovey, fucking a lot, she'd send sweet messages in the morning, pictures because I liked seeing her, typical stuff. Two months in, completely dies down. Like I mean a 180. We'd still have sex, but it felt more muted and obligatory. She told me I was being too affectionate, and that she's just not that affectionate. It became difficult to talk to her. She'd act snide or irritated, like the relationship became a nuisance. I spoke to her about it and she said she didn't want to make me the focal point of her life. I was like sure that's okay, I just enjoy time with you and expressing my feelings. In response she told me that I was right and that she shouldn't have been so extreme. Nothing changes for the next 6 months, even though I bring it up multiple times. She once called it a "hassle." Another time, she mentioned how the difficulty in life makes her want to kill herself, and while I thought it was just an exaggeration, she said "sorry. this is how i feel. you're going to have to deal with that." I suffer from depression too, but her saying that stung since she just made life so much better for me.The thing that really kind of made me realize I couldn't do it anymore was a picture. I just sent this stupid picture of two bunnies cuddling and said "which are you", and she responded "the carrot in the corner." At this point it just felt like she was intentionally trying to make me feel bad, and a few weeks later I had to end it. I'm always going to care for this person. The times things were good, I've never felt such joy for life, such fervor. I fear I may never feel that again, but I had to end it because I felt more alone than actually being alone when she was so distant. I want to try to understand it better so I can try to let go more easily.The main question here that I have is, has anyone else experienced this level of emotional whiplash? Like a change in someone's demeanor that's near instant? I just can't understand being so loving at first and then just taking it away. Was I being manipulated? When I ended it with her, she said "I clearly don't make you happy" and she seemed genuinely upset, it crushed me. Why would someone be that wonderful only to be so cold after? Thanks for taking the time to read this bullshit if you do. I'll clarify if need be.