Why do the men I date do this?

I'm 21 and only date men in my age range. I'm noticing a pattern when I date that has happened across men of all kinds of backgrounds, races and looks. It's just one small thing. The ones who ended up having red flags do it and the ones who seemed really compassionate and caring do it, and it always makes me want to end things because it's usually a precursor to weirder behaviour.

The worst case was with my first boyfriend. I was watching a movie with him and a really hot woman came on-screen. He goes "she's so hot." And I agreed. Unbeknownst to the men I date, I am bisexual. But it got weird because he kept gushing over her. He was like "ughhh I loveee thick latinas" because she was latina (They are beautiful, but that's weird considering I am not thick or a latina). Like five minutes later, a man comes on-screen, and I said he was hot because I assumed he'd agree. He said nothing and acted really cold the rest of the night. Looking back, I know his might have come from a place of insecurity because he would constantly say I'd leave him for someone hotter or taller (he was short) than him.

The men after him undoubtedly have more confidence though, and yet, the same story. It's weird. Every time. Without fail. I watch a movie with a guy I'm seeing, and he has to comment on a female character's looks or body in the movie. It immediately gives me the ick because they never say it casually either. I'd get it if we were friends or had been dating for years but these are/ were all men that asked me to be their girlfriend, who I'd been seeing for a month or two tops. I only date men I've known too and don't use dating apps. It happened so frequently I turned it into a social experiment and every time I conversely complimented a dude too, they'd get tense. I know this is oddly specific but is there a name for this phenomenon?

Submitted May 30, 2023 at 12:13AM

I'm 21 and only date men in my age range. I'm noticing a pattern when I date that has happened across men of all kinds of backgrounds, races and looks. It's just one small thing. The ones who ended up having red flags do it and the ones who seemed really compassionate and caring do it, and it always makes me want to end things because it's usually a precursor to weirder behaviour.The worst case was with my first boyfriend. I was watching a movie with him and a really hot woman came on-screen. He goes "she's so hot." And I agreed. Unbeknownst to the men I date, I am bisexual. But it got weird because he kept gushing over her. He was like "ughhh I loveee thick latinas" because she was latina (They are beautiful, but that's weird considering I am not thick or a latina). Like five minutes later, a man comes on-screen, and I said he was hot because I assumed he'd agree. He said nothing and acted really cold the rest of the night. Looking back, I know his might have come from a place of insecurity because he would constantly say I'd leave him for someone hotter or taller (he was short) than him. The men after him undoubtedly have more confidence though, and yet, the same story. It's weird. Every time. Without fail. I watch a movie with a guy I'm seeing, and he has to comment on a female character's looks or body in the movie. It immediately gives me the ick because they never say it casually either. I'd get it if we were friends or had been dating for years but these are/ were all men that asked me to be their girlfriend, who I'd been seeing for a month or two tops. I only date men I've known too and don't use dating apps. It happened so frequently I turned it into a social experiment and every time I conversely complimented a dude too, they'd get tense. I know this is oddly specific but is there a name for this phenomenon?