Posting this a second time

I (17M) am in a confusing situation with someone (17F). I'll start this off by saying that I have never been in a relationship before. We are in highschool together, she is a senior and I am a junior, we are also in band together. I really enjoy the time I spend talking, playing games, and hanging out with her. I know she has been wanting to ask me out for a while because she has been giving very obvious signs and she told my friend's sister where that information eventually made it up to me. I do really like her and enough to want to date her, but there are a few problems. The first being that my friends, who have somewhat dated her in the past, do not like her. She was somewhat controlling, liked to trauma dump, kinda narcissistic, and at a time of griefing, asked one of them if he would like her to suck him off. I have been talking to her a lot over the past few months and haven't seen these things show up, but I don't know if they will resurface later. The second problem is that when she was a freshman, she tried to date my older brother who was a senior at the time. This makes things complicated especially within my family who have been told about her. The final problem is that I am a Christian and she seems to be very into sexual things which I would rather not be a part of right now. She does not know that I know any of this about her. With that all being said, she seems to be a different person from when the things that happened with my friends occurred. She has gotten less empowering and a lot more friendly. I honestly really do like her, but I'm worried about all the red flags and especially what my friends will think if I do start dating her.

What I'm thinking about doing when she confesses is that I will tell her how I feel about her but also mention the things with my friends and explain to her that if she does that stuff to me, that we can't be in a relationship.

I am very emotionally stable, so I feel that if anything seems to reoccur, that I could be able to cut things off. I am worried however about her and her mental health which isn't really that good.

This situation has been in my head for about a month now, and I don't know what to do. The longer it goes on, the more I what to be with her

Submitted April 07, 2023 at 01:09AM

I (17M) am in a confusing situation with someone (17F). I'll start this off by saying that I have never been in a relationship before. We are in highschool together, she is a senior and I am a junior, we are also in band together. I really enjoy the time I spend talking, playing games, and hanging out with her. I know she has been wanting to ask me out for a while because she has been giving very obvious signs and she told my friend's sister where that information eventually made it up to me. I do really like her and enough to want to date her, but there are a few problems. The first being that my friends, who have somewhat dated her in the past, do not like her. She was somewhat controlling, liked to trauma dump, kinda narcissistic, and at a time of griefing, asked one of them if he would like her to suck him off. I have been talking to her a lot over the past few months and haven't seen these things show up, but I don't know if they will resurface later. The second problem is that when she was a freshman, she tried to date my older brother who was a senior at the time. This makes things complicated especially within my family who have been told about her. The final problem is that I am a Christian and she seems to be very into sexual things which I would rather not be a part of right now. She does not know that I know any of this about her. With that all being said, she seems to be a different person from when the things that happened with my friends occurred. She has gotten less empowering and a lot more friendly. I honestly really do like her, but I'm worried about all the red flags and especially what my friends will think if I do start dating her.What I'm thinking about doing when she confesses is that I will tell her how I feel about her but also mention the things with my friends and explain to her that if she does that stuff to me, that we can't be in a relationship.I am very emotionally stable, so I feel that if anything seems to reoccur, that I could be able to cut things off. I am worried however about her and her mental health which isn't really that good.This situation has been in my head for about a month now, and I don't know what to do. The longer it goes on, the more I what to be with her