How should I go about dating if I have no experience whatsoever ? Am I datable at all ? Should I give up ?

I (18F) am a freshman in college. In high school, I never received any attention from guys. Hell, I only ever had my first crush during the first semester of college. While I was happy for everyone, I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt a little for me to watch girls at school being given presents for Valentine’s Day or holding hands with their boyfriends around campus. It’s hard not to be at least a little jealous of those things, right?

Because I didn’t/haven’t experience(d) any romance in my life, I’ve been filling the void with novels that contain romance for as long as I can remember. It’s been an escape for me. I like to attach myself to the female characters and imagine what it would be like to be in the universe of those novels. It really is such a good feeling. The feeling of reading the scene when the characters you’ve been wanting to get together finally kiss and getting so excited you have to close the book and giggle while kicking your feet around on your bed is unmatched. I dunno if there’s anything like it.

Sometimes, though, I lie awake at night and wonder if there will ever be a guy who will like me. The one crush was on a friend. In hindsight Im not quite sure why I liked him. Although we’re friends, he would never seemed fully interested in our conversations. He doesn’t know I used to like him. It disappeared on its own but now I feel kind of closed off because I didn’t like the feeling of not being listened to.

Another thing to add, although it’s a shock, I’m not a virgin. I lost my first kiss and my virginity in the same night. I didn’t know him and he didn’t know me. It was a one time thing that I felt like I needed to do at the time but now I wish I didn’t. He showed interest in me and although I’m not the type to be into hookups at all, I had never (and still have never other than that) had any guy do that before. Although it was 100% consensual , it hurt (both mentally and physically). I felt nothing. I thought I was doing something wrong because everyone always said sex was supposed to feel good, but I learned that it doesn’t. He finished, left immediately, and we never spoke or saw each other again.

I cried a lot that night because I felt tricked. He was so nice to me I thought that maybe things were starting to change but in the end he only wanted one thing and disappeared once he got it. I think I realized that maybe I’m not supposed to be liked by anyone. Maybe this is just the way things are. Sometimes I think about the things I would do if I had a boyfriend. I’d bake things for him, pick him flowers, go on picnics, show him the places that are important to me, and things like that. I don’t know if those things could ever be now, though.

My therapist asked me why I don’t have a boyfriend but i’m not sure how to explain the fact that I don’t know how to talk to guys/I seem to be unlikeable in general. I just bought a lot of new books so I guess I have that to look forward to, but sometimes it can still hurt.

Submitted April 17, 2023 at 01:15AM

I (18F) am a freshman in college. In high school, I never received any attention from guys. Hell, I only ever had my first crush during the first semester of college. While I was happy for everyone, I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt a little for me to watch girls at school being given presents for Valentine’s Day or holding hands with their boyfriends around campus. It’s hard not to be at least a little jealous of those things, right?Because I didn’t/haven’t experience(d) any romance in my life, I’ve been filling the void with novels that contain romance for as long as I can remember. It’s been an escape for me. I like to attach myself to the female characters and imagine what it would be like to be in the universe of those novels. It really is such a good feeling. The feeling of reading the scene when the characters you’ve been wanting to get together finally kiss and getting so excited you have to close the book and giggle while kicking your feet around on your bed is unmatched. I dunno if there’s anything like it.Sometimes, though, I lie awake at night and wonder if there will ever be a guy who will like me. The one crush was on a friend. In hindsight Im not quite sure why I liked him. Although we’re friends, he would never seemed fully interested in our conversations. He doesn’t know I used to like him. It disappeared on its own but now I feel kind of closed off because I didn’t like the feeling of not being listened to.Another thing to add, although it’s a shock, I’m not a virgin. I lost my first kiss and my virginity in the same night. I didn’t know him and he didn’t know me. It was a one time thing that I felt like I needed to do at the time but now I wish I didn’t. He showed interest in me and although I’m not the type to be into hookups at all, I had never (and still have never other than that) had any guy do that before. Although it was 100% consensual , it hurt (both mentally and physically). I felt nothing. I thought I was doing something wrong because everyone always said sex was supposed to feel good, but I learned that it doesn’t. He finished, left immediately, and we never spoke or saw each other again.I cried a lot that night because I felt tricked. He was so nice to me I thought that maybe things were starting to change but in the end he only wanted one thing and disappeared once he got it. I think I realized that maybe I’m not supposed to be liked by anyone. Maybe this is just the way things are. Sometimes I think about the things I would do if I had a boyfriend. I’d bake things for him, pick him flowers, go on picnics, show him the places that are important to me, and things like that. I don’t know if those things could ever be now, though.My therapist asked me why I don’t have a boyfriend but i’m not sure how to explain the fact that I don’t know how to talk to guys/I seem to be unlikeable in general. I just bought a lot of new books so I guess I have that to look forward to, but sometimes it can still hurt.