Advice and/or Venting: I (37F) Feel Disappointed by Dating App Expectations

So I’ve been on number of dating apps in a number of cities over the years, but I’m not sure how to approach my latest conundrum:

Recently I’ve met a couple of guys from Hinge for first dates. One led to 3 dates, but otherwise I mostly get ghosted after 1. I’ve started just asking point blank if they want to hang out again. If they hesitate, I later ask them whether the hesitation meant they weren’t interested because it’s totally ok if so. (Complete with smiley faces and all. It’s less intense than I am making it sound.) They always say they aren’t interested, and I’ll follow up asking if I may know why (I don’t explain this part but I’m sick of not knowing why the sudden change of heart. I always speak to the guys for awhile before meeting and it goes from fun flirty messages to nothing.)

The thing is, the response is always that there was “no spark.”

Now, I don’t really believe in love at first sight, and I especially am aware that I’m a woman meeting a strange man alone. I’m polite, chatty, ask them about themselves, bring up things they’ve discussed before, and I’ve been told by people that I’m charming, charismatic and funny.

So I’m not sure what to do with this info. I’m not the type of person to throw myself at someone, and although I’m rather extroverted, I am going to have a bit of a guard up meeting some dude I don’t know alone.

I’m disappointed by this expectation that there’s fireworks and sparks and all that rom-com stuff in an hour-long first meeting. If we went out a couple times, it would make sense, but I don’t think I know anyone (in person) who has had that “I knew immediately!” type of spark on a first meeting. It seems irrational to me and wonder what I should be doing differently or if there’s any advice on how to date when every dude seems to expect love at first sight.



Submitted April 08, 2023 at 12:01AM

So I’ve been on number of dating apps in a number of cities over the years, but I’m not sure how to approach my latest conundrum:Recently I’ve met a couple of guys from Hinge for first dates. One led to 3 dates, but otherwise I mostly get ghosted after 1. I’ve started just asking point blank if they want to hang out again. If they hesitate, I later ask them whether the hesitation meant they weren’t interested because it’s totally ok if so. (Complete with smiley faces and all. It’s less intense than I am making it sound.) They always say they aren’t interested, and I’ll follow up asking if I may know why (I don’t explain this part but I’m sick of not knowing why the sudden change of heart. I always speak to the guys for awhile before meeting and it goes from fun flirty messages to nothing.)The thing is, the response is always that there was “no spark.”Now, I don’t really believe in love at first sight, and I especially am aware that I’m a woman meeting a strange man alone. I’m polite, chatty, ask them about themselves, bring up things they’ve discussed before, and I’ve been told by people that I’m charming, charismatic and funny.So I’m not sure what to do with this info. I’m not the type of person to throw myself at someone, and although I’m rather extroverted, I am going to have a bit of a guard up meeting some dude I don’t know alone.I’m disappointed by this expectation that there’s fireworks and sparks and all that rom-com stuff in an hour-long first meeting. If we went out a couple times, it would make sense, but I don’t think I know anyone (in person) who has had that “I knew immediately!” type of spark on a first meeting. It seems irrational to me and wonder what I should be doing differently or if there’s any advice on how to date when every dude seems to expect love at first sight.
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