/u/Taegeukgies on If sex is the ultimate human experience for allos, will an allo ever be able to have a happy and fulfilling relationship with an ace? I feel like I'm somehow neglecting my loved one and it hurts me so much.

I have an allo friend. we were talking about sex frequency once (because I was shook over reading something that said you should be having sex multiple times a week) and she was like fuck that. Once a month at most. I've got shit to do. She also doesn't view sex as a need and said she could happily go without.

if you think about it though, the allos must likely to talk about sex are the ones that love it. if you don't care about sex, why would you bring it up? and those that hate sex are made to feel 'abnormal.'

I've seen people questioning if they're ace saying things like "I don't like sex but still experience sexual attraction, am I asexual?" well, no, of course. Ace is all about the attraction side of things, not the desire to partake in sex.

I do think, though, that it shows how sex-averse allos may actually feel rejected from the allo community, or, through the massive amount of misinformation about what it means to be asexual, may actual identify as ace due to their aversion to sex despite experiencing sexual attraction.

I do empathise with your predicament though. due to childhood abuse i have frequent feelings that's I'll never be good enough for a partner and that they'll see me for what I really am (worthless) and leave me. my sex-repulsion often feeds into that, with me feeling like it's just another piece of evidence to how broken and unworthy of love I am. factually, this is wrong. logically, my brain can go fuck itself. but I still feel it.

I may not be able to say it to myself, but I can say it to you. you ARE worthy. you ARE enough. you don't need to be anything other than who you are, because who you are is worthy of being loved and there are many people out there who can and will love you.

furthermore, you cannot tell your boyfriend how he feels. you cannot build this image of who your boyfriend is "supposed" to be, then punish him for it. you have no idea whether the lack of sex bothers him, and it is not okay to tell him that it should, regardless of how he actually feels. talk /to/ your boyfriend, not /for/ him.





March 31, 2023 at 11:33PM
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