/u/AuntChelle11 on When did you realize you were asexual?

I was 53 and very single. I first read about the term demisexual in a MM romance novel. I didn't know what it meant to I looked it up.

Growing up I knew that I had different attitudes towards relationships/interactions but not to the extent that I thought I was different or broken. I was always the friend on the edge of the friendship group. Part of it, but not. I never had a boyfriend but I did snog a few boys here and there. In my 20's I had 3 short term relationships. Lived with one for a few months. I actually crushed on these guys quite a bit before dating them.

Never once did I suspect I was asexual. How could I? I had not even heard of the word. Once I learned of the terms, after first researching demisexual, it was a very quick"OMFG, that's me!" I'm talking a couple of days. If it weren't for those 3 relationships it would have been hours rather than a couple of days. I went from grey ace to grey-aro & ace. (I added apl about 6 months later.)

It may seem naive to not realise until I was this age. But, and this is what many aces will say, how do you know something is missing if you've never had it? How do you know what sexual attraction is if you've never discussed this with your peers? If friends discussed this I was either not paying attention (very possible) or not there (more likely). I don't think it would have clicked anyway. Also, between heteronormativity and amatonormativity, I just went with the flow. Never questioned that I was 'supposed' to meet a boy, be a girlfriend and then progress the relationship. I think that being both sex-indifferent (& low libido) and romance-indifferent probably didn't help. I didn't feel like I was missing anything so I never questioned.

I do feel that if any of my relationships had progressed into long term (being aspec had very little to do with my breakups) that I would be one of those people you are posting about here.

March 31, 2023 at 01:06AM