we had the “what are we” talk, he tells me “I like you, but it’s just not practical right now because I don’t have anything to offer”

long story short, he(38M) messaged me(28F) last year. He asked me on several dates and talked to me for 3 months before I agreed to see him. I was going through a break up and was extremely cautious about doing anything with another man. we ended up hanging out a lot and sleeping together. we ended up being each other’s only sexual partner throughout this year, talking day and night, all day every day, this whole time. something happened that made me realize I might have actual feelings, so I brought “us” up into conversation. he said he wasn’t in a place to have relationship expectations put on him and has way too many things on his plate. I’m at an absolute loss on what to think. I wasn’t expecting to jump into relationship waters either, as I am busy too, but his answer bothered me. Why approach me and talk to me for almost a year? I ended up getting upset and cut him off. I said some things I didn’t mean, and I messaged him days later after having time to think and apologized for what I said. I said I hope everything’s okay between us. He said “of course everything’s good, I didn’t ruin anything, maybe made it a little more complicated, but he feels the same, just life is getting in the way.” I’m beyond confused. we’ve both had conversations about being scared to be vulnerable, both of us being burnt in the past, etc. I just want outside opinions on this?

Submitted February 23, 2023 at 12:09AM

long story short, he(38M) messaged me(28F) last year. He asked me on several dates and talked to me for 3 months before I agreed to see him. I was going through a break up and was extremely cautious about doing anything with another man. we ended up hanging out a lot and sleeping together. we ended up being each other’s only sexual partner throughout this year, talking day and night, all day every day, this whole time. something happened that made me realize I might have actual feelings, so I brought “us” up into conversation. he said he wasn’t in a place to have relationship expectations put on him and has way too many things on his plate. I’m at an absolute loss on what to think. I wasn’t expecting to jump into relationship waters either, as I am busy too, but his answer bothered me. Why approach me and talk to me for almost a year? I ended up getting upset and cut him off. I said some things I didn’t mean, and I messaged him days later after having time to think and apologized for what I said. I said I hope everything’s okay between us. He said “of course everything’s good, I didn’t ruin anything, maybe made it a little more complicated, but he feels the same, just life is getting in the way.” I’m beyond confused. we’ve both had conversations about being scared to be vulnerable, both of us being burnt in the past, etc. I just want outside opinions on this?