Help I (24F) am dating my ex (25M)

I (24F) am dating my (25M) ex boyfriend again after being broken up for a little under 5 months. We dated for over 4 years and were planning on moving in together and getting engaged (his decision). He ended our relationship abruptly and it was definitely a blindside. After we broke up we texted every day and we kind of fake dated again a few months later for a month before I decided that I needed more. After that we stopped talking for about 1 month. I blocked him on all social media and ignored his many attempts to reach out because I was just so heartbroken. We are religious and with that I have found myself praying a lot about it all. I decided after not speaking for a full month or seeing each other for two, I would reach out to have an honest conversation however that ended didn't matter. We decided that we would try to work towards being back together again, very slowly. It has been going well. We agreed to see each other once a week and we text everyday. He seems more like himself now (he was acting very different for the past few months and recently got off anxiety meds he started four weeks before we broke up.) We have had numerous conversations and he admitted several times that the feelings are still there and that he was just terrified of marriage. Once we reached our four years, he told himself he had to propose within the next year. To this day, this still seems to be the biggest reason for the breakup. We were planning to move in together then he lost his job and could no longer afford it. He also admitted he was planning to propose and now couldn't afford that either. He now has a better paying job but still feels he cannot afford to move out of his parent's home which is something he is very insecure about.

The thing is I have prayed a lot about this, and I deeply feel in my heart that we were made for each other. We just compliment each other and fit together in every way. I love him more than anything but honestly I can't help but get in my own head. I'm so scared to lose him which is why I have stuck around this long. We never had problems, not even in our 4.5 years of being together. The breakup was truly the only "bad" thing he ever did. He treated me like I was a queen and spoiled me with love. We truly made each other the best versions of ourselves. This is why I'm willing forgive these past few months.

I'm really struggling letting go of where we would've been, engaged and living together by now. I'm also having a difficult time taking things slow even though I know we have to. I truly just want to be able to spend time with each other laying on the couch (we both still live with our parents and they don't yet know we are speaking again). Both sets of parents love each of us, even if mine are frustrated with the situation, I firmly believe they'd support us getting back together but we want to figure this all out in private. I also really miss attending church together. He was the one who first took me to church over 5 years ago and it is something I feel our relationship was based on. I miss being able to say I love you and I miss you but he is truly committed to taking things slow. I worry that he is only dating me again because he is afraid that if he doesn't I will never speak to him again. How can I get past the feelings I am having and take things slow? How can I just trust our love for each other and live in the moment? Please, I don't want people to tell me to move on or let it go. This is a decision I know that I have to see through for myself. I do need advice on how to deal with all of these feelings however. Thanks.

Submitted February 08, 2023 at 02:06AM

I (24F) am dating my (25M) ex boyfriend again after being broken up for a little under 5 months. We dated for over 4 years and were planning on moving in together and getting engaged (his decision). He ended our relationship abruptly and it was definitely a blindside. After we broke up we texted every day and we kind of fake dated again a few months later for a month before I decided that I needed more. After that we stopped talking for about 1 month. I blocked him on all social media and ignored his many attempts to reach out because I was just so heartbroken. We are religious and with that I have found myself praying a lot about it all. I decided after not speaking for a full month or seeing each other for two, I would reach out to have an honest conversation however that ended didn't matter. We decided that we would try to work towards being back together again, very slowly. It has been going well. We agreed to see each other once a week and we text everyday. He seems more like himself now (he was acting very different for the past few months and recently got off anxiety meds he started four weeks before we broke up.) We have had numerous conversations and he admitted several times that the feelings are still there and that he was just terrified of marriage. Once we reached our four years, he told himself he had to propose within the next year. To this day, this still seems to be the biggest reason for the breakup. We were planning to move in together then he lost his job and could no longer afford it. He also admitted he was planning to propose and now couldn't afford that either. He now has a better paying job but still feels he cannot afford to move out of his parent's home which is something he is very insecure about.The thing is I have prayed a lot about this, and I deeply feel in my heart that we were made for each other. We just compliment each other and fit together in every way. I love him more than anything but honestly I can't help but get in my own head. I'm so scared to lose him which is why I have stuck around this long. We never had problems, not even in our 4.5 years of being together. The breakup was truly the only "bad" thing he ever did. He treated me like I was a queen and spoiled me with love. We truly made each other the best versions of ourselves. This is why I'm willing forgive these past few months.I'm really struggling letting go of where we would've been, engaged and living together by now. I'm also having a difficult time taking things slow even though I know we have to. I truly just want to be able to spend time with each other laying on the couch (we both still live with our parents and they don't yet know we are speaking again). Both sets of parents love each of us, even if mine are frustrated with the situation, I firmly believe they'd support us getting back together but we want to figure this all out in private. I also really miss attending church together. He was the one who first took me to church over 5 years ago and it is something I feel our relationship was based on. I miss being able to say I love you and I miss you but he is truly committed to taking things slow. I worry that he is only dating me again because he is afraid that if he doesn't I will never speak to him again. How can I get past the feelings I am having and take things slow? How can I just trust our love for each other and live in the moment? Please, I don't want people to tell me to move on or let it go. This is a decision I know that I have to see through for myself. I do need advice on how to deal with all of these feelings however. Thanks.