What was supposed to be a holiday fling turned out to be the spark of our lives and now he’s scared and acting distant.

TLDR: Dating this guy who I have an amazing connection with but he didn’t expect us to be kicking it off from the start. He says he really likes me and that he’s scared for the goodbye so he’s now all of a sudden distant but still wants to see me.

I’m so confused. At the moment I’m on a holiday and about 3.5 weeks ago I had a date with a guy. We instantly had this insane connection, sparks were flying (he lives here till February). We were both very confused and also expressed this to each other. We had a couple more amazing dates, he told me how much he likes me, introduced me to his friends and then I went to another city for a week.

When I came back I immediately saw him again and obviously it was still magical. That night I got sick from the food we ate but he was super sweet to me and wanted me to stay so I felt comfortable. Eventually I went back to my Airbnb the next day - which is when he got sick. I brought him some stuff (fruit, broth, painkillers) to get better soon. A few days passed, he felt better in the meantime and we met up again. He wanted to see me even though he was still feeling slightly off.

That night we almost had sex, I say almost cause he started feeling sick again and needed to puke. I obviously said that it was all fine and we went to sleep.

After that night it got weird. We saw each other again but he was super busy with work and asked if we could meet up in the morning in stead of the evening. When I saw him he was very distant, I didn’t get a kiss (just a hug) and it felt like he put up a wall. I asked him if he was feeling ok and he said he was just stressed from work. I believed him.

I saw him again, same thing. The time after, he wanted me to meet his friend/roommate so I went to his place. We had such a fun night but he still felt kinda off. We went to bed and I asked him what was going on, if he just wants to be friends. This is when he started telling me that he really likes me and loves being around me but that he’s struggling with the fact that I’ll be leaving and we don’t live near each other (there’s a whole ocean between us to be clear). He said he was overthinking and making up scenarios in his head and that he’s not ready to be my boyfriend cause of it even though he knew I didn’t ask for that.

I got confused and said that I have no expectations whatsoever and that I’d love to just enjoy our time together while we can and that if he’s struggling we could also just be friends. But he didn’t want to be ‘just friends’, he also didn’t want to stop seeing me but is now weirdly awkward around me unless I start a deep conversation. He didn’t want to have sex that night cause he was scared that the intimacy would make it worse. He still asks me to meet up and join him in his daily activities even though he needs to work a lot. He texts me first but also takes ages to respond now.

Does anyone sabotage themselves like this? What is the reason? I’m just so confused as I have 3 weeks left here and I like him a lot. We could’ve just had an amazing time and I don’t know what to do or say.



Submitted December 08, 2022 at 12:23AM

TLDR: Dating this guy who I have an amazing connection with but he didn’t expect us to be kicking it off from the start. He says he really likes me and that he’s scared for the goodbye so he’s now all of a sudden distant but still wants to see me.I’m so confused. At the moment I’m on a holiday and about 3.5 weeks ago I had a date with a guy. We instantly had this insane connection, sparks were flying (he lives here till February). We were both very confused and also expressed this to each other. We had a couple more amazing dates, he told me how much he likes me, introduced me to his friends and then I went to another city for a week.When I came back I immediately saw him again and obviously it was still magical. That night I got sick from the food we ate but he was super sweet to me and wanted me to stay so I felt comfortable. Eventually I went back to my Airbnb the next day - which is when he got sick. I brought him some stuff (fruit, broth, painkillers) to get better soon. A few days passed, he felt better in the meantime and we met up again. He wanted to see me even though he was still feeling slightly off.That night we almost had sex, I say almost cause he started feeling sick again and needed to puke. I obviously said that it was all fine and we went to sleep.After that night it got weird. We saw each other again but he was super busy with work and asked if we could meet up in the morning in stead of the evening. When I saw him he was very distant, I didn’t get a kiss (just a hug) and it felt like he put up a wall. I asked him if he was feeling ok and he said he was just stressed from work. I believed him.I saw him again, same thing. The time after, he wanted me to meet his friend/roommate so I went to his place. We had such a fun night but he still felt kinda off. We went to bed and I asked him what was going on, if he just wants to be friends. This is when he started telling me that he really likes me and loves being around me but that he’s struggling with the fact that I’ll be leaving and we don’t live near each other (there’s a whole ocean between us to be clear). He said he was overthinking and making up scenarios in his head and that he’s not ready to be my boyfriend cause of it even though he knew I didn’t ask for that.I got confused and said that I have no expectations whatsoever and that I’d love to just enjoy our time together while we can and that if he’s struggling we could also just be friends. But he didn’t want to be ‘just friends’, he also didn’t want to stop seeing me but is now weirdly awkward around me unless I start a deep conversation. He didn’t want to have sex that night cause he was scared that the intimacy would make it worse. He still asks me to meet up and join him in his daily activities even though he needs to work a lot. He texts me first but also takes ages to respond now.Does anyone sabotage themselves like this? What is the reason? I’m just so confused as I have 3 weeks left here and I like him a lot. We could’ve just had an amazing time and I don’t know what to do or say.
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