Should I (23F) give it one last shot with my ex fling (26M) when he expects to pick up like we weren't broken up for long periods of time over the last two years? Keep running into each other.

Hi all, looking for some advice. I met this guy (26M) about two years ago. I was really into him at first, however he ghosted me with absolutely no explanation for about 3 months shortly after we got together. During those 3 months I easily moved on and got into a new relationship. That relationship ended, however, and this guy has popped back up more than once over the course of the last two years. The problem is, he has the same pattern of randomly reaching out and trying to pick up as if we didn't stop talking for significant periods of time. He will just text me "hey *insert pet name*" after months of not speaking and no explanation and then either ask to come over or invite me over (in an attempt to sleep with me, which has not worked even once since he initially ghosted me two years ago). I just stopped replying to his out of the blue messages after I realized he doesn't take me seriously. However, we ran into each other a week ago after 8 months not speaking, turns out we now live 10 minutes apart. I agreed to meet up the day after running into each other. He tried to hook up with me but I didn't let him sleep with me because I do not trust him. As much as I'd like a genuine relationship to be able to form between us, his only ideas for plans since reconnecting have been wanting to come over to my house and inviting me to a performance of his. Either of these things would be fine with me and I'd be happy to do AFTER he has asked me on proper dates, shown me he can be worthy of my trust and isn't going to disappear on me again, and prove to me he isn't just after hooking up. I've told him many times I don't do the casual sex thing, only interested in something serious and feel like he doesn't take me seriously but he denies it and claims he just likes physical affection. He has also told me he loves me. I don't see why he can't ask me on at least a few proper dates if he wants to reconnect so badly. I'm asking this here because I never replied to his last text inviting me to his performance, and he just texted me again asking "can you come *pet name*?". I also don't like being called a sexual pet name by someone who hasn't done anything to build rapport. I don't know what to tell him, because yeah I'd be down to go but I also don't consider going to sit in the audience to watch him a date, nor do I consider hanging out at one of our houses a date. I don't want to be rude either, and if he was just a friend or just interested in a solid friendship I'd without a doubt have replied by now and would go. I like him somewhat but also can't say we know each other well enough to pick up where we left off two years ago.

What should I do? I have told him all of this in the past and the same pattern keeps happening with him and I get to a point I don't know what to say so I just kinda ghost him cause it's not meeting my basic expectations of forming a relationship. I'm not asking for expensive dinners, even just a movie or doing an activity together would be absolutely fine with me, although a dinner here or there would be a nice gesture.

TLDR; keep running into/reconnecting with an ex fling who wants to rekindle with me, but he expects to just pick up every time like months haven't gone by, seems to expect sex right away, and hasn't asked me on any type of proper date. I don't want to seem rude and I'd be interested in a relationship with him, but I do not want to feel like a booty call and he needs to earn my trust back (have told him all of this more than once and nothing changes every time he pops back up) what do I do?

Submitted December 08, 2022 at 01:13AM

Hi all, looking for some advice. I met this guy (26M) about two years ago. I was really into him at first, however he ghosted me with absolutely no explanation for about 3 months shortly after we got together. During those 3 months I easily moved on and got into a new relationship. That relationship ended, however, and this guy has popped back up more than once over the course of the last two years. The problem is, he has the same pattern of randomly reaching out and trying to pick up as if we didn't stop talking for significant periods of time. He will just text me "hey *insert pet name*" after months of not speaking and no explanation and then either ask to come over or invite me over (in an attempt to sleep with me, which has not worked even once since he initially ghosted me two years ago). I just stopped replying to his out of the blue messages after I realized he doesn't take me seriously. However, we ran into each other a week ago after 8 months not speaking, turns out we now live 10 minutes apart. I agreed to meet up the day after running into each other. He tried to hook up with me but I didn't let him sleep with me because I do not trust him. As much as I'd like a genuine relationship to be able to form between us, his only ideas for plans since reconnecting have been wanting to come over to my house and inviting me to a performance of his. Either of these things would be fine with me and I'd be happy to do AFTER he has asked me on proper dates, shown me he can be worthy of my trust and isn't going to disappear on me again, and prove to me he isn't just after hooking up. I've told him many times I don't do the casual sex thing, only interested in something serious and feel like he doesn't take me seriously but he denies it and claims he just likes physical affection. He has also told me he loves me. I don't see why he can't ask me on at least a few proper dates if he wants to reconnect so badly. I'm asking this here because I never replied to his last text inviting me to his performance, and he just texted me again asking "can you come *pet name*?". I also don't like being called a sexual pet name by someone who hasn't done anything to build rapport. I don't know what to tell him, because yeah I'd be down to go but I also don't consider going to sit in the audience to watch him a date, nor do I consider hanging out at one of our houses a date. I don't want to be rude either, and if he was just a friend or just interested in a solid friendship I'd without a doubt have replied by now and would go. I like him somewhat but also can't say we know each other well enough to pick up where we left off two years ago.What should I do? I have told him all of this in the past and the same pattern keeps happening with him and I get to a point I don't know what to say so I just kinda ghost him cause it's not meeting my basic expectations of forming a relationship. I'm not asking for expensive dinners, even just a movie or doing an activity together would be absolutely fine with me, although a dinner here or there would be a nice gesture.TLDR; keep running into/reconnecting with an ex fling who wants to rekindle with me, but he expects to just pick up every time like months haven't gone by, seems to expect sex right away, and hasn't asked me on any type of proper date. I don't want to seem rude and I'd be interested in a relationship with him, but I do not want to feel like a booty call and he needs to earn my trust back (have told him all of this more than once and nothing changes every time he pops back up) what do I do?