Wanting to date a friend. How do I (29F) confess feelings for my friend (37M) and stop his fear of rejection even though I won't see him for the next few months?

My friend and I have developed a mutual attraction although neither of us have discussed this. It is more shown through our body language, actions and behaviour. However I think I've accidentally been giving him a lot of mixed signals (due to anxiety/fear of rejection). I've only known him for 4 months and initially only socialised with him in group settings. However when he went away for 6 weeks, he reached out via text and we started to get closer emotionally by having lots of deep conversations initiated by him. I realised he liked me, which made me re-evaluate and realise that I felt the same and developed very strong feelings for him. When he came back went for dinner that lasted 4+ hours (lost track of time) where we realised that we are super compatible to the point where we want the same things and all the big picture stuff lines up (politics, religion, kids, marriage, travel, timelines, values). We spoke about our dating history and what we want from our next relationship. He gave me plenty of opportunity to confess my feelings (even talking about its worth risking a friendship for love) but nerves got the better of me. I ended up accidentally telling him that I wanted to be friends with a partner first and know I was compatible before jumping into something that wasn't going to work. Which obviously came across as me friend zoning him. Nevertheless he asked to see me again the next day due. This second catch-up although still flirty, initiating hugs and him being vunerable and more receptive to touch, I was disappointed that the topic of our relationship/friendship wasn't discussed as it feels like we are now in a grey area walking and the lines between friendship and dating are starting to blur I think this has scared him into not wanting to admit it or act on it as he has his own fear of rejection, me being "out of his league" (I don't think this) and not wanting to lose me as his friend. The timing also isn't right for us to start anything as we won't be able to see each other for the next 3 months due to different travel committments and him moving back to his home country (both currently live abroad). However I am moving to his home town in 6 months, so this opens possibility to persue it in future. I am just concerned that if he friend zones me now then that ruins any chance of something happen in the future, especially if he meets someone before then. He has said that the next person he dates will be it for him and is willing to compromise more to make a relationship works as he doesn't want to be single much longer due to his age. We've already agreed to keep in touch and I will still see him when I visit him in March but is it selfish if I tell him how I feel via phone call or text? I don't want to regret missing my chance but also don't want to burden him with dumping my feelings onto him either. I also don't want to lose him from my life as his friendship is important to me. Especially because he is the only person I know when I do move across to his town in Ireland. Is there something I can say that is less direct to show my feelings without dumping them on him?

TLDR, my male friend likes me and doesn't know I feel the same due to me accidentally giving him mixed signals causing him to friendzone me. Should I confess my feelings if I can't see him in person for next 3 months? As I really want to be with him and am moving to his home town in 6 months time.

Submitted December 09, 2022 at 12:29AM

My friend and I have developed a mutual attraction although neither of us have discussed this. It is more shown through our body language, actions and behaviour. However I think I've accidentally been giving him a lot of mixed signals (due to anxiety/fear of rejection). I've only known him for 4 months and initially only socialised with him in group settings. However when he went away for 6 weeks, he reached out via text and we started to get closer emotionally by having lots of deep conversations initiated by him. I realised he liked me, which made me re-evaluate and realise that I felt the same and developed very strong feelings for him. When he came back went for dinner that lasted 4+ hours (lost track of time) where we realised that we are super compatible to the point where we want the same things and all the big picture stuff lines up (politics, religion, kids, marriage, travel, timelines, values). We spoke about our dating history and what we want from our next relationship. He gave me plenty of opportunity to confess my feelings (even talking about its worth risking a friendship for love) but nerves got the better of me. I ended up accidentally telling him that I wanted to be friends with a partner first and know I was compatible before jumping into something that wasn't going to work. Which obviously came across as me friend zoning him. Nevertheless he asked to see me again the next day due. This second catch-up although still flirty, initiating hugs and him being vunerable and more receptive to touch, I was disappointed that the topic of our relationship/friendship wasn't discussed as it feels like we are now in a grey area walking and the lines between friendship and dating are starting to blur I think this has scared him into not wanting to admit it or act on it as he has his own fear of rejection, me being "out of his league" (I don't think this) and not wanting to lose me as his friend. The timing also isn't right for us to start anything as we won't be able to see each other for the next 3 months due to different travel committments and him moving back to his home country (both currently live abroad). However I am moving to his home town in 6 months, so this opens possibility to persue it in future. I am just concerned that if he friend zones me now then that ruins any chance of something happen in the future, especially if he meets someone before then. He has said that the next person he dates will be it for him and is willing to compromise more to make a relationship works as he doesn't want to be single much longer due to his age. We've already agreed to keep in touch and I will still see him when I visit him in March but is it selfish if I tell him how I feel via phone call or text? I don't want to regret missing my chance but also don't want to burden him with dumping my feelings onto him either. I also don't want to lose him from my life as his friendship is important to me. Especially because he is the only person I know when I do move across to his town in Ireland. Is there something I can say that is less direct to show my feelings without dumping them on him?TLDR, my male friend likes me and doesn't know I feel the same due to me accidentally giving him mixed signals causing him to friendzone me. Should I confess my feelings if I can't see him in person for next 3 months? As I really want to be with him and am moving to his home town in 6 months time.