I broke things off bc of his performance. But I kinda don't know what to do

I broke things off bc he couldn't get it up.

I feel really bad about it but hear me out. The first two relationships I'd been in that I'd been intimate with, the sex itself didn't go well. Like ever. The first guy was too big and inexperienced (like me at the time) so it made me very weary of having my cervix smashed. The second relationship was kinda like trying to have sex with a baby carrot that continously disappointed you. Emotionally I felt very strongly for these relationships but was not having fun sexually. My previous "arrangement", it was great. Fantastic. Everything about the sex was perfect and he really knew how to take control and that's what I liked. But outside of the sex he was a straight bastard who would send me mixed signals and treated me like I meant nothing to him. (I got sick of it and ended things, he still didn't care lol). I was um touched as a child and it's made intimacy kinda awkward and difficult for me, I've been trying though. So I really don't want to deal with bad sex now that I know what good sex is like.

So I've been talking to this new guy and we have alot in common and he's great, kinda. But I was willing to overlook a few things I wanted in a partner. I like men that are confident in themselves enough to lead. He's a little soft for my taste but I wanted to just accept him for who he is, I dont want to change or make someone feel like they need to change for me. So I'd overlook the things that I felt were too soft, communicated my preference, We'd been very open about what we don't like or want in a relationship just to make sure we were on the same page. At no point did he tell me that he had trouble getting it up. Not until he was on top of me and told me he needed a minute. I tried stimulating him, it wasn't working out. At one point he was good to go but he had to get up to get protection and lost it right then. There was no foreplay on his end but I wasn't exactly pressed (bc i dont exactly like foreplay, its kind of triggering) but he would touch me like he didn't know what he was doing. Like I put his hand on my boob and he at no point addressed my nipple, even when I tried to move his hand around to do so? It was all very confusing. He'd said he'd had relationships before so he wasn't a virgin, I mean I'd understand if he was yknow, but it essentially resulted in us just cuddling for an hour and me wanting to go home bc I hadn't initially planned for this and had things to do. Now this was the first time we'd been intimate together but like, I was totally okay with waiting a while more, but he brought it up and was willing and wanting to engage then. I didn't see a reason not to, but my whole thing about that is, he was eager for sex but didn't tell me he had performance issues because of his anxiety. Kinda hard to engage if you can't get it up, right? A heads up would've been nice.

I broke things off because of this. The weird fumbling, twice getting me excited just to not have sex. But I like him alot personality wise but I'm just not willing to have bad/painful sex again just because of my emotional attachments. My cervix refuses. My ladybits still haven't stopped being mad at the 3 pump and dump from 4 years ago.

I just don't know what to do. I like him. But, idk if I can get over the intimacy part. Thoughts?

Submitted December 20, 2022 at 01:15AM

I broke things off bc he couldn't get it up.I feel really bad about it but hear me out. The first two relationships I'd been in that I'd been intimate with, the sex itself didn't go well. Like ever. The first guy was too big and inexperienced (like me at the time) so it made me very weary of having my cervix smashed. The second relationship was kinda like trying to have sex with a baby carrot that continously disappointed you. Emotionally I felt very strongly for these relationships but was not having fun sexually. My previous "arrangement", it was great. Fantastic. Everything about the sex was perfect and he really knew how to take control and that's what I liked. But outside of the sex he was a straight bastard who would send me mixed signals and treated me like I meant nothing to him. (I got sick of it and ended things, he still didn't care lol). I was um touched as a child and it's made intimacy kinda awkward and difficult for me, I've been trying though. So I really don't want to deal with bad sex now that I know what good sex is like.So I've been talking to this new guy and we have alot in common and he's great, kinda. But I was willing to overlook a few things I wanted in a partner. I like men that are confident in themselves enough to lead. He's a little soft for my taste but I wanted to just accept him for who he is, I dont want to change or make someone feel like they need to change for me. So I'd overlook the things that I felt were too soft, communicated my preference, We'd been very open about what we don't like or want in a relationship just to make sure we were on the same page. At no point did he tell me that he had trouble getting it up. Not until he was on top of me and told me he needed a minute. I tried stimulating him, it wasn't working out. At one point he was good to go but he had to get up to get protection and lost it right then. There was no foreplay on his end but I wasn't exactly pressed (bc i dont exactly like foreplay, its kind of triggering) but he would touch me like he didn't know what he was doing. Like I put his hand on my boob and he at no point addressed my nipple, even when I tried to move his hand around to do so? It was all very confusing. He'd said he'd had relationships before so he wasn't a virgin, I mean I'd understand if he was yknow, but it essentially resulted in us just cuddling for an hour and me wanting to go home bc I hadn't initially planned for this and had things to do. Now this was the first time we'd been intimate together but like, I was totally okay with waiting a while more, but he brought it up and was willing and wanting to engage then. I didn't see a reason not to, but my whole thing about that is, he was eager for sex but didn't tell me he had performance issues because of his anxiety. Kinda hard to engage if you can't get it up, right? A heads up would've been nice.I broke things off because of this. The weird fumbling, twice getting me excited just to not have sex. But I like him alot personality wise but I'm just not willing to have bad/painful sex again just because of my emotional attachments. My cervix refuses. My ladybits still haven't stopped being mad at the 3 pump and dump from 4 years ago.I just don't know what to do. I like him. But, idk if I can get over the intimacy part. Thoughts?