Told a guy I’ve been seeing that I don’t want a relationship right now. Am I doing the right thing?

Hi!

In my early 20s and dating for the first time as an adult. I was in a relationship from 17 until about a year ago so I have basically no clue how dating works/what’s acceptable/etc.

I know what I want but am not sure if it’s ethical/fair? I want to experience casual dating, and get to know people so i know what I want in a partner in the far future.

This means I do not want to get into another serious relationship right now. I do not want an entirely sexual FWB arrangement either. I want to get to know someone and spend time doing things with them (exclusively is fine!), but not have the responsibility of having to adjust my life for someone else and intertwine our lives. ideally I spend time with someone every now and then that may or may not include sex.

Anyway I’ve been going on dates with a guy who I really like spending time with. We had a conversation about our relationship and he asked if we could be exclusive, which was totally fine by me and I told him pretty much exactly what I wrote above and said if that’s not okay with him I get it. He said it was fine but part of me feels like I’m leading him on even though I told him exactly what I want. He seemed the slightest bit disappointed but said he’d like to keep seeing me. I just don’t know if I’m being a bad person by refusing to form an official relationship but still continuing to see him. Thoughts?



Submitted November 16, 2022 at 01:03AM

Hi!In my early 20s and dating for the first time as an adult. I was in a relationship from 17 until about a year ago so I have basically no clue how dating works/what’s acceptable/etc.I know what I want but am not sure if it’s ethical/fair? I want to experience casual dating, and get to know people so i know what I want in a partner in the far future.This means I do not want to get into another serious relationship right now. I do not want an entirely sexual FWB arrangement either. I want to get to know someone and spend time doing things with them (exclusively is fine!), but not have the responsibility of having to adjust my life for someone else and intertwine our lives. ideally I spend time with someone every now and then that may or may not include sex.Anyway I’ve been going on dates with a guy who I really like spending time with. We had a conversation about our relationship and he asked if we could be exclusive, which was totally fine by me and I told him pretty much exactly what I wrote above and said if that’s not okay with him I get it. He said it was fine but part of me feels like I’m leading him on even though I told him exactly what I want. He seemed the slightest bit disappointed but said he’d like to keep seeing me. I just don’t know if I’m being a bad person by refusing to form an official relationship but still continuing to see him. Thoughts?
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