How do I (26F) let go of the fact it's not happening for me and relax enough to date?

I am trying really hard not to be sad, mad, jealous and petty over this but it's really bugging me and I need it not to.

Everywhere I look people my age are in relationships, getting married, already married, having kids and being "adulty adults".

I am 26. Just turned it. I am living with my great aunt and mother because my aunt has dementia. I don't work, I can't because of her care. My mom works so I have to be free to clean, cook and care for my aunt basically 24/7. I feel stuck but there's not much I can do about it until she dies.

A year ago my boyfriend of 4 months died. When he died there was a book that showed up that was engraved with my first name and his surname. I knew he wanted to get married. I really wanted that. I wanted kids. I still want it it just starts to feel like I'm trapped in this hell hole where I'll never get out. Where I'll never be free.

My friends are all in long term (5+ year) relationships or married and I want to be happy for them I really do. Then I just get pissed because it's like do I not deserve it? I've tried really hard to do the right things, to be a good person, to do everything perfectly and it's not worth anything... I am the only one left.

I look okay, I am a nice person I am exhausted already and just want to be there. I don't want have to date all over again when I was so close but I have to. I don't ever voice there thoughts because I know it's not something you should ever say but I'm officially drowning in it and need a friend, advice giver, someone to tell me why it happens for other people but I'm so stuck.

When will it be my turn? What am I doing wrong? I wanted to be married and have kids by 30 and it seems like it will never happen. This is so frustrating.



Submitted September 09, 2022 at 01:14AM

I am trying really hard not to be sad, mad, jealous and petty over this but it's really bugging me and I need it not to.Everywhere I look people my age are in relationships, getting married, already married, having kids and being "adulty adults".I am 26. Just turned it. I am living with my great aunt and mother because my aunt has dementia. I don't work, I can't because of her care. My mom works so I have to be free to clean, cook and care for my aunt basically 24/7. I feel stuck but there's not much I can do about it until she dies.A year ago my boyfriend of 4 months died. When he died there was a book that showed up that was engraved with my first name and his surname. I knew he wanted to get married. I really wanted that. I wanted kids. I still want it it just starts to feel like I'm trapped in this hell hole where I'll never get out. Where I'll never be free.My friends are all in long term (5+ year) relationships or married and I want to be happy for them I really do. Then I just get pissed because it's like do I not deserve it? I've tried really hard to do the right things, to be a good person, to do everything perfectly and it's not worth anything... I am the only one left.I look okay, I am a nice person I am exhausted already and just want to be there. I don't want have to date all over again when I was so close but I have to. I don't ever voice there thoughts because I know it's not something you should ever say but I'm officially drowning in it and need a friend, advice giver, someone to tell me why it happens for other people but I'm so stuck.When will it be my turn? What am I doing wrong? I wanted to be married and have kids by 30 and it seems like it will never happen. This is so frustrating.
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