Should I settle?

So my ex fiancé (M28) and I (F31) have been together for 6 years. I recently broke up with him 2 weeks ago because throughout our entire relationship he was very dependent on me. When we first got together he had a lot of mental health issues and I was with him through all that supporting and encouraging him the best I could. We lived together and I would cook and clean and work 40 hrs a week. I started feeling like his mom eventually and in return he was not always very nice to me. He would call me derogatory names, would get easily offended at almost everything I’d say, sometimes would publicly embarrass me and when I would call him out on it he would just say “stop caring what other people think, we’re not the Kardashian’s”. He was very selfish and the relationship was about him and his needs and I always gave in to him to avoid arguments. He’s also very pushy and can be controlling.

I admit I should have been more assertive and advocated for myself more, however the few times I did it would just end up in an argument or if I called him out on his behavior towards me he would turn it around on me like I was the problem. I stayed in the relationship this long because I became comfortable I guess but it got to the point where I was truly drained. It took me 6 years to realize this relationship was sucking the life out of me. I poured in to him and got little in return… instead he took me for granted and was an a**hole with a lot of things especially if he didn’t take his medicine. To top it all off I was never in love with him but care for him nor has he ever satisfied me sexually.

We recently started talking again and he told me he realizes where he went wrong and how selfish he was and wants us to fix it because he loves me and he’s going to give me my space but in the mean time he’s also on dating apps (he’s technically single so he’s not in the wrong I guess)… but honestly I’m on the fence about it, I don’t want to necessarily work things out but I’m also scared I won’t find anyone else with the way dating is these days. My questions is… would it be a good idea to try the relationship again? or should I just move on? Do people like this truly change?

Submitted August 14, 2022 at 01:11AM

So my ex fiancé (M28) and I (F31) have been together for 6 years. I recently broke up with him 2 weeks ago because throughout our entire relationship he was very dependent on me. When we first got together he had a lot of mental health issues and I was with him through all that supporting and encouraging him the best I could. We lived together and I would cook and clean and work 40 hrs a week. I started feeling like his mom eventually and in return he was not always very nice to me. He would call me derogatory names, would get easily offended at almost everything I’d say, sometimes would publicly embarrass me and when I would call him out on it he would just say “stop caring what other people think, we’re not the Kardashian’s”. He was very selfish and the relationship was about him and his needs and I always gave in to him to avoid arguments. He’s also very pushy and can be controlling.I admit I should have been more assertive and advocated for myself more, however the few times I did it would just end up in an argument or if I called him out on his behavior towards me he would turn it around on me like I was the problem. I stayed in the relationship this long because I became comfortable I guess but it got to the point where I was truly drained. It took me 6 years to realize this relationship was sucking the life out of me. I poured in to him and got little in return… instead he took me for granted and was an a**hole with a lot of things especially if he didn’t take his medicine. To top it all off I was never in love with him but care for him nor has he ever satisfied me sexually.We recently started talking again and he told me he realizes where he went wrong and how selfish he was and wants us to fix it because he loves me and he’s going to give me my space but in the mean time he’s also on dating apps (he’s technically single so he’s not in the wrong I guess)… but honestly I’m on the fence about it, I don’t want to necessarily work things out but I’m also scared I won’t find anyone else with the way dating is these days. My questions is… would it be a good idea to try the relationship again? or should I just move on? Do people like this truly change?