Discovering my sexuality and letting go of shame

I (F23) have never really pursued a relationship with anyone. When I was younger (so like 12), I had crushes on a couple boys in my class but that was the last time until my freshman year of college I had a crush on someone. I didn’t really talk to boys in that way when I was in high school cause I never really had the desire to.

Obviously as I’m growing older people are asking questions and I don’t have any answers. I like the idea of having a boyfriend but I think I might be too picky. I am on online dating apps on and off and have gone on a couple dates for experience sake but obviously none of them stick.

I literally had my first ‘kiss’ at 22. It was really a peck and I ran out that guy’s car and squirmed and freaked out for like half an hour. Which then opened a conversation of whether I might be on the asexual spectrum. Because I’ve never been intimate with someone that way, and not even with myself. Sometimes I think I do get ‘horny’ but the thought of actually engaging with someone that way kinda scares me. I read a lot of smut as a teen, but the thought of watching p*rn freaks me out too. Like I have to build up a lot of courage to even go on dates and then I literally never want to see them again.

I think a big issue for me at this point is that people keep telling me I need to be doing this stuff now cause the pool narrows as I grow older. A lot of my friends are in relationships and are sexually active so it’s kinda embarrassing being one of the only ones that can’t really contribute to those kinds of conversations. Like I know everyone moves at their own pace but I feel like I’m being left behind and idk how to fix it cause I don’t want to settle or make myself uncomfortable. And I feel kinda weird going on dates with people cause I don’t have any experience with physical stuff.

I guess, has anyone else gone through something similar and how did it work out for you? Does anyone have any advice?



Submitted July 09, 2022 at 12:08AM

I (F23) have never really pursued a relationship with anyone. When I was younger (so like 12), I had crushes on a couple boys in my class but that was the last time until my freshman year of college I had a crush on someone. I didn’t really talk to boys in that way when I was in high school cause I never really had the desire to.Obviously as I’m growing older people are asking questions and I don’t have any answers. I like the idea of having a boyfriend but I think I might be too picky. I am on online dating apps on and off and have gone on a couple dates for experience sake but obviously none of them stick.I literally had my first ‘kiss’ at 22. It was really a peck and I ran out that guy’s car and squirmed and freaked out for like half an hour. Which then opened a conversation of whether I might be on the asexual spectrum. Because I’ve never been intimate with someone that way, and not even with myself. Sometimes I think I do get ‘horny’ but the thought of actually engaging with someone that way kinda scares me. I read a lot of smut as a teen, but the thought of watching p*rn freaks me out too. Like I have to build up a lot of courage to even go on dates and then I literally never want to see them again.I think a big issue for me at this point is that people keep telling me I need to be doing this stuff now cause the pool narrows as I grow older. A lot of my friends are in relationships and are sexually active so it’s kinda embarrassing being one of the only ones that can’t really contribute to those kinds of conversations. Like I know everyone moves at their own pace but I feel like I’m being left behind and idk how to fix it cause I don’t want to settle or make myself uncomfortable. And I feel kinda weird going on dates with people cause I don’t have any experience with physical stuff.I guess, has anyone else gone through something similar and how did it work out for you? Does anyone have any advice?
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