27F; Feeling bad about finances while dating a 36M

I'm (27f) dating someone a little older than me (36M), and he's in a very different place in life. He's much more financially secure with a job that let's him work months and then take months off and just travel. He's very flexible because of his income.

I'm the opposite, I'm not paid as well, and am trying to save up money to get a graduate degree. I'm working full time, but most of it goes to savings and bills. I get to splurge once in a while, but it's not on big things.

It's hard because I feel guilty that I can't treat him like he treats me sometimes and I don't know how to talk to him about it. Like he'll invite me to dinner but make reservations at a really expensive restaurant. Or he'll invite me to come traveling with him but I have to turn that down because of time off work and the cost. I don't know if he always thinks about how I can't drop money like he does. It feels nice that he wants to include me but it also feels like being invited to a lifestyle you can't really partake in.

Part of me thinks it's maybe that it's earlier in dating so he's treating me and trying to impress me but I'm worried it will feel unequal and maybe I'm not a good match for him because of my finances. I do want it to work, he is such an awesome and adventurous person. I am looking at jobs that allow me more flexibility for travel and such, but I am also trying to get into grad school and he knows that. He's supportive, but I don't really know how to talk about finances and feelings about money with someone you're dating.



Submitted July 24, 2022 at 01:08AM

I'm (27f) dating someone a little older than me (36M), and he's in a very different place in life. He's much more financially secure with a job that let's him work months and then take months off and just travel. He's very flexible because of his income.I'm the opposite, I'm not paid as well, and am trying to save up money to get a graduate degree. I'm working full time, but most of it goes to savings and bills. I get to splurge once in a while, but it's not on big things.It's hard because I feel guilty that I can't treat him like he treats me sometimes and I don't know how to talk to him about it. Like he'll invite me to dinner but make reservations at a really expensive restaurant. Or he'll invite me to come traveling with him but I have to turn that down because of time off work and the cost. I don't know if he always thinks about how I can't drop money like he does. It feels nice that he wants to include me but it also feels like being invited to a lifestyle you can't really partake in.Part of me thinks it's maybe that it's earlier in dating so he's treating me and trying to impress me but I'm worried it will feel unequal and maybe I'm not a good match for him because of my finances. I do want it to work, he is such an awesome and adventurous person. I am looking at jobs that allow me more flexibility for travel and such, but I am also trying to get into grad school and he knows that. He's supportive, but I don't really know how to talk about finances and feelings about money with someone you're dating.
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