Overthinking and traumas

Hi, kinda want an advice. I always try to overthink things that won't possibly happen. I have commitment issues or maybe this is abandonment issue, family issue (not sure fr)

2 years ago I met someone online and won't say we clicked instant. We set (kinda) boundaries and he told me that he's not sure that it will turn to serious relationship. So we on a getting to know each other stage. But the thing is I'm vert ubfair to him, he asks about something about me stories to share with him and all about my family etc. I'm not very direct on answering him I actually don't know what to say and shy to tell him. I have a boring life so I'm afraid I might bore him but really i just dont know where to start and what to tell him. He even told me that I'm too 'mysterious' and 'private'.

I have traumatic childhood life. As the 'courtship' went by so does my anxiety. I want to date with marriage in mind and not just for the sake of 'dating'. Overthinking that he might be hurt me emotionally or physically or that marriage won't be possible or what if work will end can i provide our needs or if we will have family soon I might hurt our children (things like I might hurt them emotionally without knowing that will make them hate me) I want to open up to him but I can't the fear and 'what ifs' eats me.

I'm a shut-in btw not really shut in just kinda. School life revolves around school and home, didn't finished college but I'm working from home right now (that's why I'm afraid of working and providing since its a contractual thing) so home is just my destination taking vacation if there's budget for that.

Back to him, I saw my album about our games together. It took me two years to realize how selfish I am to him. I liked him, I just can't face my fears head on he is a good guy. Theres a time i won't feel anything around me then there's a time i want to embrace everything around me.

I'm aware that I'm toxic, back then there's a time i want to talk most of the time i wont at all always ignores him. I really miss him but I can't hold him anymore. I emotionally drained him and pushed him away. I don't know if love is possible for someone who have a lot of issues.



Submitted April 08, 2022 at 12:00AM

Hi, kinda want an advice. I always try to overthink things that won't possibly happen. I have commitment issues or maybe this is abandonment issue, family issue (not sure fr)2 years ago I met someone online and won't say we clicked instant. We set (kinda) boundaries and he told me that he's not sure that it will turn to serious relationship. So we on a getting to know each other stage. But the thing is I'm vert ubfair to him, he asks about something about me stories to share with him and all about my family etc. I'm not very direct on answering him I actually don't know what to say and shy to tell him. I have a boring life so I'm afraid I might bore him but really i just dont know where to start and what to tell him. He even told me that I'm too 'mysterious' and 'private'.I have traumatic childhood life. As the 'courtship' went by so does my anxiety. I want to date with marriage in mind and not just for the sake of 'dating'. Overthinking that he might be hurt me emotionally or physically or that marriage won't be possible or what if work will end can i provide our needs or if we will have family soon I might hurt our children (things like I might hurt them emotionally without knowing that will make them hate me) I want to open up to him but I can't the fear and 'what ifs' eats me.I'm a shut-in btw not really shut in just kinda. School life revolves around school and home, didn't finished college but I'm working from home right now (that's why I'm afraid of working and providing since its a contractual thing) so home is just my destination taking vacation if there's budget for that.Back to him, I saw my album about our games together. It took me two years to realize how selfish I am to him. I liked him, I just can't face my fears head on he is a good guy. Theres a time i won't feel anything around me then there's a time i want to embrace everything around me.I'm aware that I'm toxic, back then there's a time i want to talk most of the time i wont at all always ignores him. I really miss him but I can't hold him anymore. I emotionally drained him and pushed him away. I don't know if love is possible for someone who have a lot of issues.
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