Moved in w my (25f) boyfriend (26f) and things feel unbelievably different... & not exactly for the good. He is such a different person when we're texting vs when we're in person.

I already know this is gonna be a LONG one so, tl;dr will be below.

Just for context: My boyfriend and I dated for 4 years, broke up and are now back together 7 years later (made it official again Feb of this year). We never really lost touch, we always had a (somewhat) stable ex dynamic because we remained friends. At the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, we lived on different islands. We ended up reconnecting since I had to come back home to stay with my parents. We were texting a TON before I came home, though. Once quarantine and other restrictions were lifted we started hanging out again and fell into a fwb thing. Eventually, feelings welled up and there were talks of trying again with us. Longgggggggg story short (because so much happened): pettiness, jealousy, and pride fucked it up, it didn't happen and we cut communication. A year later (2021) we started speaking again, and now in 2022 we're back together.

My boyfriend is such a different person when texting vs when we're in person. Before we moved in together, he seemed so caring and considerate, excited for the possibility of having me around, interested in what was going on with me, the list could really go on -- but now that we live in the same home, he seems so cold and unbothered by my presence (when compared to how he came off over text).

Things don't really feel the way I think they should between a 'loving' couple. We could go such a long time without saying a word because it's not his first instinct to fill the quiet in a room, nor is it mine tbf; however, I at least try to not overcome this. When he gets off from work, he always seems so cold, sometimes he won't really talk to me or say anything really, he'll have this look on his face that feels like a mix between exhaustion and annoyance. I understand he may simply be tired from a long day's work, but I end up trying to ease the mood by asking him simple questions and the tone of his responses really make me feel like a nuisance to him. Eventually (maybe) he'll loosen up and everything'll be ok, but most times it's hard to get my mind off of the previous treatment. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault he comes home cranky because it's not like I greet him by doting over him with hugs and kisses, but then I catch myself and remember that it's because I realize that if I were to have that reaction to him coming home his reaction would be like something to the effect of "this is weird" and make faces that'll make me less confident with showing my excitement.

I want to be lovey dovey and all over him but I lose my desire to since he's not the type to be that way naturally. He works out every morning and leaves at 4:30/5 am, once I asked him if he could kiss my forehead before he leaves, just as a cute and very minuscule thing. He did it maybe twice and then one day we were talking and the forehead kiss came up. He said in a kinda rude way that he just did it cause I asked him to and that he won't be doing it anymore because he doesn't want to. He said that it seems like I want a "fairytale life". All because I asked about the forehead kiss and about the fact that we live in the same house and rarely speak sometimes. It's so odd and so sad to me because I didn't expect this from the way he acted when we hung out and texted before we moved in together.

We don't say I love you. I have to him before just to make him aware that this is an exchange that's important to me, he said it back but he doesn't say it to me otherwise. We have a cat and he's so loving and caring to it, he says always says " I love you" to it and calling him cute and other things. Don't get me wrong though, I KNOW it's so silly to be jealous of a cat lol but I find myself exactly that. He doesn't exactly compliment me or tell me I'm pretty, so hearing him do this everyday to our cat hurts a lil.

When we were still living apart, he told me that I'm the only person he's had a relationship with that he sees himself starting a family with. I love him and I know that he loves me but this all feels so contradicting. Maybe we still have love for each other but aren't IN LOVE anymore? There's still so much other things that tick me off but this post would be way too long.

I don't really know what advice I'm seeking or if I'm seeking any at all, I just wanted to get this out because I don't really have any one person I can say all of this to.

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tl;dr - my boyfriend and I moved in together and no longer act like a couple.

Submitted April 10, 2022 at 01:15AM

I already know this is gonna be a LONG one so, tl;dr will be below.Just for context: My boyfriend and I dated for 4 years, broke up and are now back together 7 years later (made it official again Feb of this year). We never really lost touch, we always had a (somewhat) stable ex dynamic because we remained friends. At the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, we lived on different islands. We ended up reconnecting since I had to come back home to stay with my parents. We were texting a TON before I came home, though. Once quarantine and other restrictions were lifted we started hanging out again and fell into a fwb thing. Eventually, feelings welled up and there were talks of trying again with us. Longgggggggg story short (because so much happened): pettiness, jealousy, and pride fucked it up, it didn't happen and we cut communication. A year later (2021) we started speaking again, and now in 2022 we're back together.My boyfriend is such a different person when texting vs when we're in person. Before we moved in together, he seemed so caring and considerate, excited for the possibility of having me around, interested in what was going on with me, the list could really go on -- but now that we live in the same home, he seems so cold and unbothered by my presence (when compared to how he came off over text).Things don't really feel the way I think they should between a 'loving' couple. We could go such a long time without saying a word because it's not his first instinct to fill the quiet in a room, nor is it mine tbf; however, I at least try to not overcome this. When he gets off from work, he always seems so cold, sometimes he won't really talk to me or say anything really, he'll have this look on his face that feels like a mix between exhaustion and annoyance. I understand he may simply be tired from a long day's work, but I end up trying to ease the mood by asking him simple questions and the tone of his responses really make me feel like a nuisance to him. Eventually (maybe) he'll loosen up and everything'll be ok, but most times it's hard to get my mind off of the previous treatment. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault he comes home cranky because it's not like I greet him by doting over him with hugs and kisses, but then I catch myself and remember that it's because I realize that if I were to have that reaction to him coming home his reaction would be like something to the effect of "this is weird" and make faces that'll make me less confident with showing my excitement.I want to be lovey dovey and all over him but I lose my desire to since he's not the type to be that way naturally. He works out every morning and leaves at 4:30/5 am, once I asked him if he could kiss my forehead before he leaves, just as a cute and very minuscule thing. He did it maybe twice and then one day we were talking and the forehead kiss came up. He said in a kinda rude way that he just did it cause I asked him to and that he won't be doing it anymore because he doesn't want to. He said that it seems like I want a "fairytale life". All because I asked about the forehead kiss and about the fact that we live in the same house and rarely speak sometimes. It's so odd and so sad to me because I didn't expect this from the way he acted when we hung out and texted before we moved in together.We don't say I love you. I have to him before just to make him aware that this is an exchange that's important to me, he said it back but he doesn't say it to me otherwise. We have a cat and he's so loving and caring to it, he says always says " I love you" to it and calling him cute and other things. Don't get me wrong though, I KNOW it's so silly to be jealous of a cat lol but I find myself exactly that. He doesn't exactly compliment me or tell me I'm pretty, so hearing him do this everyday to our cat hurts a lil.When we were still living apart, he told me that I'm the only person he's had a relationship with that he sees himself starting a family with. I love him and I know that he loves me but this all feels so contradicting. Maybe we still have love for each other but aren't IN LOVE anymore? There's still so much other things that tick me off but this post would be way too long.I don't really know what advice I'm seeking or if I'm seeking any at all, I just wanted to get this out because I don't really have any one person I can say all of this to.​tl;dr - my boyfriend and I moved in together and no longer act like a couple.