I hope this is the right place for this… (long post)

I met a girl 17 years ago… when we started talking (like every night on the phone) she was 18 and I was 25. We became great friends and grew very close, but because of the situation I had to scale back the contact and she did not like that. A few months later we started talking again and it dwindled because she went off to college.

Over the years we would keep in contact and see each other when she came home. She then moved away again for her master’s degree and eventually landed in NYC. I would visit periodically (I’m originally from there - lived in FL for a long time) and we would go to dinner, catch a show, etc. Our friendship never blossomed passed that, although each time we saw each other the connection grew stronger.

Fast forward to December 2017… by this time I moved to Texas and she was bouncing between our home area and NYC. When we were both in FL we would always set some time aside for each other, usually dinner and we would spend hours together. Well this dinner was just like the rest, great conversation and diving into deep topics and at the end of the night I drive her home. I would always pick her up and I always greeted her with her favorite color flowers. We sat in my car for maybe an hour and chatted and then it happened… she kissed me. I immediately said “wow… that was 12 years in the making…” and she had a good laugh. Then we made out a little, I walked her to her door, gave her one last kiss goodnight, and I went on my way. During our dinner conversation we were on the subject of one night stands and she asked me if I would consider having one with her and I was honest with me answer: I couldn’t, you’re not a person I would want to do that with because you’re a person of substance and I’d rather have a relationship. Also, I wouldn’t want to do anything to mess with our friendship. She liked that answer and blushed.

A few days later it was New Year’s Eve, I had an event to go to and I left early. I texted her and she invited me over - more making out! It didn’t progress passed that because she was staying with her father. After that I had a conference to attend, we were in constant contact, and I mentioned where do we go from here. Are we something? I said I have no problem flying to NYC or FL a lot. I have family in both places so it just worked out. But she said that we could only be in a relationship if we were in the same place, she’s not a fan of long distance - I get it. I told here that deep down I felt that her and I would have our moment - she agreed.

Since then I would send her flowers at the beginning of each month, surprise her with a gift here and there (nothing crazy). The communication was always good, even with the pandemic. And in 2020, I moved my Dad in with me in TX. His health is in decline (dementia) and as a family (my bro, sis, and me) thought it would be best to move him back to NYC. My brother said it would be easy for me to travel up there, etc.

Then I though… Ey! This would be a great opportunity to move back to NYC - family and NYC itself. Then I thought, DUH!!! She lives there too! Maybe this could give “us” a chance. So I made the move.

She was so excited and proud of me for making the move. It was great. I didn’t tell her off the bat that I was “making the move because of her,” it was more of “meh, I guess I should move” to “Yeah. I need to make this move.” So technically I didn’t move here for her.

She loves getting handwritten letters/cars, so I decided a few months after I moved to tell her via card. I wrote exactly what I wrote above “guess I should” to “I need to make.” After she got the letter she text me that she received it and told me she was dating someone. She was very grateful for our friendship and the courage I had to share my feelings.

I’m the back of my mind I knew something like this would happen, or that she would be moving back to FL to take care of her Dad.

The communication has dwindled, a few text exchanges each month - initiated by her (except for her birthday). For a long time I knew she was the one. Everything just aligns with her and I. She is always the one I compare other women to. It just feels right.

Am I love or am I delusional? 😅

As far as dating goes… if it ain’t her, then in not interested. I’m questioning whether I should hope for something to happen between us or move on.

I don’t want her to be my “what if…”

And I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SUCH A LONG READ! Thank you if you read it all.

I’m a mess.

Submitted March 18, 2022 at 07:07AM

I met a girl 17 years ago… when we started talking (like every night on the phone) she was 18 and I was 25. We became great friends and grew very close, but because of the situation I had to scale back the contact and she did not like that. A few months later we started talking again and it dwindled because she went off to college.Over the years we would keep in contact and see each other when she came home. She then moved away again for her master’s degree and eventually landed in NYC. I would visit periodically (I’m originally from there - lived in FL for a long time) and we would go to dinner, catch a show, etc. Our friendship never blossomed passed that, although each time we saw each other the connection grew stronger.Fast forward to December 2017… by this time I moved to Texas and she was bouncing between our home area and NYC. When we were both in FL we would always set some time aside for each other, usually dinner and we would spend hours together. Well this dinner was just like the rest, great conversation and diving into deep topics and at the end of the night I drive her home. I would always pick her up and I always greeted her with her favorite color flowers. We sat in my car for maybe an hour and chatted and then it happened… she kissed me. I immediately said “wow… that was 12 years in the making…” and she had a good laugh. Then we made out a little, I walked her to her door, gave her one last kiss goodnight, and I went on my way. During our dinner conversation we were on the subject of one night stands and she asked me if I would consider having one with her and I was honest with me answer: I couldn’t, you’re not a person I would want to do that with because you’re a person of substance and I’d rather have a relationship. Also, I wouldn’t want to do anything to mess with our friendship. She liked that answer and blushed.A few days later it was New Year’s Eve, I had an event to go to and I left early. I texted her and she invited me over - more making out! It didn’t progress passed that because she was staying with her father. After that I had a conference to attend, we were in constant contact, and I mentioned where do we go from here. Are we something? I said I have no problem flying to NYC or FL a lot. I have family in both places so it just worked out. But she said that we could only be in a relationship if we were in the same place, she’s not a fan of long distance - I get it. I told here that deep down I felt that her and I would have our moment - she agreed.Since then I would send her flowers at the beginning of each month, surprise her with a gift here and there (nothing crazy). The communication was always good, even with the pandemic. And in 2020, I moved my Dad in with me in TX. His health is in decline (dementia) and as a family (my bro, sis, and me) thought it would be best to move him back to NYC. My brother said it would be easy for me to travel up there, etc.Then I though… Ey! This would be a great opportunity to move back to NYC - family and NYC itself. Then I thought, DUH!!! She lives there too! Maybe this could give “us” a chance. So I made the move.She was so excited and proud of me for making the move. It was great. I didn’t tell her off the bat that I was “making the move because of her,” it was more of “meh, I guess I should move” to “Yeah. I need to make this move.” So technically I didn’t move here for her.She loves getting handwritten letters/cars, so I decided a few months after I moved to tell her via card. I wrote exactly what I wrote above “guess I should” to “I need to make.” After she got the letter she text me that she received it and told me she was dating someone. She was very grateful for our friendship and the courage I had to share my feelings.I’m the back of my mind I knew something like this would happen, or that she would be moving back to FL to take care of her Dad.The communication has dwindled, a few text exchanges each month - initiated by her (except for her birthday). For a long time I knew she was the one. Everything just aligns with her and I. She is always the one I compare other women to. It just feels right.Am I love or am I delusional? 😅As far as dating goes… if it ain’t her, then in not interested. I’m questioning whether I should hope for something to happen between us or move on.I don’t want her to be my “what if…”And I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SUCH A LONG READ! Thank you if you read it all.I’m a mess.