Help! I'm 20 and I feel like I'm dating a divorcee!

My boyfriend (21M) and I (20NB) have been together for exactly 7 months now. I think I could speak for us both when I say that this is the best relationship either of us have ever been in! He goes beyond to do things for me and make me feel loved and he spares no effort in our relationship.

However, we live in a small, tight-knit community where everything seems to get around and it was common knowledge that even before we started dating, BF had an obvious thing for Katie for about a year. Katie had Tyler really young and often brings him into my boyfriend's work (her father runs the operation so they spend time with him). I don't know how old he is, but he's a toddler. BF is obsessed with Tyler and loves him to death, so much so that for a really long time, a picture of him and Tyler was his Lock Screen on all of his devices. At the beginning of our relationship BF would always show me pictures of Tyler that he took when he got back from working, but I think he stopped when he saw that I was a bit weirded out (I really tried to be excited for him, I'm just wear my emotions on my sleeve). But when I started dating BF, a lot of people made comments about how no one ever thought he would get over his crush on Katie and that there were rumors that Tyler was actually by BFs son! I talked it over with BF early and he told me that Tyler was born before him and Katie ever met and that him and Katie didn't even talk anymore/very occasionally about work stuff.

Well a few days ago, BF was showing me something in his missed calls and I saw a few FaceTimes with Katie. I sat on it and asked him about it later that day to which he played dumb. I pressed it and he said they only went about 3 months without talking (not what he told me before) but that they had always been in contact because Tyler wanted to see him. He got defensive, saying that Katie was just a friend and that she was pregnant again with an unknown father if I wanted proof. This didn't make me feel better.

I told him that I knew she was very important to him (he doesn't make friends easily and she knows all his deepest secrets, etc.) and I don't want to take that away from him nor will I ask, but I said that the dynamic was making me uncomfortable. There have been a few times where she's reached out to him to ask that he watch Tyler and has gotten upset when he's told her no (he was with me at those times). I took that as enough reason to see that I was the priority, but now I feel like he's being really shady.

I want to clarify that I have absolutely no problem with the son! He's super sweet, but there have been times where BF takes me to see him when I visit his work and it really feels like I'm the new partner meeting the kid from another marriage (again, BF and Katie didn't even date!).

I trust him, but I'm starting to really beat myself up about how I'm feeling. Because at a certain point I can't just ignore the situation or my emotions, but I don't even know where that point is. Every time we talk about it he says, "I don't know what a solution looks like" which is tough because he's not great with emotions to begin with. He's also not a really great communicator. I feel like things would be different if they were actually married and separated but they DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP! In my understanding, she led him on before he decided that it wasn't going to happen before he got with me a few months later.

tldr; My bf is a little too involved in the life of a single mom and her son to the point where everyone assumes that they're a family, bf says they stopped talking a year ago but backtracked and says they've been talking casually. I feel like a bad person for thinking that their relationship is weird

Submitted March 23, 2022 at 01:12AM

My boyfriend (21M) and I (20NB) have been together for exactly 7 months now. I think I could speak for us both when I say that this is the best relationship either of us have ever been in! He goes beyond to do things for me and make me feel loved and he spares no effort in our relationship.However, we live in a small, tight-knit community where everything seems to get around and it was common knowledge that even before we started dating, BF had an obvious thing for Katie for about a year. Katie had Tyler really young and often brings him into my boyfriend's work (her father runs the operation so they spend time with him). I don't know how old he is, but he's a toddler. BF is obsessed with Tyler and loves him to death, so much so that for a really long time, a picture of him and Tyler was his Lock Screen on all of his devices. At the beginning of our relationship BF would always show me pictures of Tyler that he took when he got back from working, but I think he stopped when he saw that I was a bit weirded out (I really tried to be excited for him, I'm just wear my emotions on my sleeve). But when I started dating BF, a lot of people made comments about how no one ever thought he would get over his crush on Katie and that there were rumors that Tyler was actually by BFs son! I talked it over with BF early and he told me that Tyler was born before him and Katie ever met and that him and Katie didn't even talk anymore/very occasionally about work stuff.Well a few days ago, BF was showing me something in his missed calls and I saw a few FaceTimes with Katie. I sat on it and asked him about it later that day to which he played dumb. I pressed it and he said they only went about 3 months without talking (not what he told me before) but that they had always been in contact because Tyler wanted to see him. He got defensive, saying that Katie was just a friend and that she was pregnant again with an unknown father if I wanted proof. This didn't make me feel better.I told him that I knew she was very important to him (he doesn't make friends easily and she knows all his deepest secrets, etc.) and I don't want to take that away from him nor will I ask, but I said that the dynamic was making me uncomfortable. There have been a few times where she's reached out to him to ask that he watch Tyler and has gotten upset when he's told her no (he was with me at those times). I took that as enough reason to see that I was the priority, but now I feel like he's being really shady.I want to clarify that I have absolutely no problem with the son! He's super sweet, but there have been times where BF takes me to see him when I visit his work and it really feels like I'm the new partner meeting the kid from another marriage (again, BF and Katie didn't even date!).I trust him, but I'm starting to really beat myself up about how I'm feeling. Because at a certain point I can't just ignore the situation or my emotions, but I don't even know where that point is. Every time we talk about it he says, "I don't know what a solution looks like" which is tough because he's not great with emotions to begin with. He's also not a really great communicator. I feel like things would be different if they were actually married and separated but they DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP! In my understanding, she led him on before he decided that it wasn't going to happen before he got with me a few months later.tldr; My bf is a little too involved in the life of a single mom and her son to the point where everyone assumes that they're a family, bf says they stopped talking a year ago but backtracked and says they've been talking casually. I feel like a bad person for thinking that their relationship is weird