How to approach dating and sex as an inexperienced, 31F with baggage?

Due to life circumstances such as being on anti depressants, focusing on school and my career, my Mormon upbringing, and not putting myself out there enough, I’ve (31F) never been in a serious relationship and have only had sex with two men. One was an on-and-off, casual relationship I had a little over 5 years ago that lasted about nine months with a guy who was emotionally abusive, selfish in bed, and raped me once. I’ve since gone to therapy and have dealt with it the best I can. The other was a semi-nice guy I went on three dates with a few months ago, but due to a bunch of miscommunication, my lack of experience, and not being able to tell whether he was interested or not, it fizzled out. This was the first time I’d dated and had sex since the guy previously mentioned.

I’m thinking about getting back on dating apps, but I’ve lost what little confidence I had and would like to gain some of that back.

  1. Any tips for someone like me on how to approach dating and sex? I don’t think casual sex is for me, so I’d like to avoid that at all costs.
  2. Should I let guys know about my lack of experience and/or baggage, and if yes, how do I do so without scaring them off?

Thanks!



Submitted January 31, 2022 at 12:01AM

Due to life circumstances such as being on anti depressants, focusing on school and my career, my Mormon upbringing, and not putting myself out there enough, I’ve (31F) never been in a serious relationship and have only had sex with two men. One was an on-and-off, casual relationship I had a little over 5 years ago that lasted about nine months with a guy who was emotionally abusive, selfish in bed, and raped me once. I’ve since gone to therapy and have dealt with it the best I can. The other was a semi-nice guy I went on three dates with a few months ago, but due to a bunch of miscommunication, my lack of experience, and not being able to tell whether he was interested or not, it fizzled out. This was the first time I’d dated and had sex since the guy previously mentioned.I’m thinking about getting back on dating apps, but I’ve lost what little confidence I had and would like to gain some of that back.Any tips for someone like me on how to approach dating and sex? I don’t think casual sex is for me, so I’d like to avoid that at all costs.Should I let guys know about my lack of experience and/or baggage, and if yes, how do I do so without scaring them off?Thanks!
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