I think I went from a sub to a dom after a hard breakup. Has this happened to anyone else?

I’ve (F37) never done any hardcore BDSM but I used to enjoy being told what to do, being restrained and a little light choking.

My last partner (M38) was very submissive in the bedroom and I called the shots. I was missing being submissive but never said anything. The relationship ended badly and broke my heart. I felt completely out of control due to a lot of emotional manipulation and narcissistic abuse.

I fooled around with a super hot friend (M34) of a friend after our Friendsgiving. He was the first person I’ve hooked up with since the breakup. He was going down on me and told me to keep my hands behind my neck. He would sternly remind me to put them back and call me a bad girl when I would reach down to pull his hair.

This made me feel very obstinate and I kept putting my hands in his hair and digging my nails into his shoulders. He eventually stopped trying to be dominant.

I feel like it was a visceral reaction to not wanting to be controlled and felt like it was more of an emotional response than sexual.

Has anyone else experienced this or something similar?



Submitted December 08, 2021 at 12:54AM

I’ve (F37) never done any hardcore BDSM but I used to enjoy being told what to do, being restrained and a little light choking.My last partner (M38) was very submissive in the bedroom and I called the shots. I was missing being submissive but never said anything. The relationship ended badly and broke my heart. I felt completely out of control due to a lot of emotional manipulation and narcissistic abuse.I fooled around with a super hot friend (M34) of a friend after our Friendsgiving. He was the first person I’ve hooked up with since the breakup. He was going down on me and told me to keep my hands behind my neck. He would sternly remind me to put them back and call me a bad girl when I would reach down to pull his hair.This made me feel very obstinate and I kept putting my hands in his hair and digging my nails into his shoulders. He eventually stopped trying to be dominant.I feel like it was a visceral reaction to not wanting to be controlled and felt like it was more of an emotional response than sexual.Has anyone else experienced this or something similar?
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