I think worrying about finishing too quickly makes me do just that! How can I train myself out of this loop?

I (22m) don't last long in PIV sex and it's meaning I don't enjoy orgasms, sex isn't what it could be, and means I don't really get the chance to make my gf cum through penetrative sex (I'll usually make her cum first with my fingers).

I'm trying to get better, and I am sure that it's a mental and not physical thing.

It kind of goes as follows in PIV:

Vicious cycles of only thinking about when I'll cum, not being able to thrust much, and then cumming in the most meh orgasm ever, and feeling bad in a downtrodden post-orgasm clarity.

On the other hand, I can get into virtual cycles of thinking I can do anything, realising I'm not immediately cumming, and then I feel good and focus on what matters. A few times I have lasted almost indefinitely. It's like it's correlated inversely with how much I dwell on it. What I'm saying is if I were somehow able to not think about it, I naturally do last longer. Not hours, but respectable amounts for sure.

There's a feedback loop that goes both ways, and I did have times with an ex where I felt more confident each time, in a cascading effect, that made me real good.

Also, this is almost an entirely PIV issue. Not always, but more often I don't have these fears if I am given a blowjob and I end up lasting for ages. Those orgasms are actually amazing.

Watching porn too, which I did a lot (too much) as a teen until now, I have got to a position where I cum almost immediately. It's not hard at all.

Does anybody else have this? Do you have any advice? Can I train myself out of this?? Advice on dealing with the low after finishing would also be good.

Jacking off beforehand doesn't help massively and just tends to weaken my sexual appetite.

I talk to my gf about it. She's great, but it's not satisfying to say things like "I don't mind" - I very much do!

Submitted August 15, 2021 at 11:19PM

I (22m) don't last long in PIV sex and it's meaning I don't enjoy orgasms, sex isn't what it could be, and means I don't really get the chance to make my gf cum through penetrative sex (I'll usually make her cum first with my fingers).I'm trying to get better, and I am sure that it's a mental and not physical thing.It kind of goes as follows in PIV:Vicious cycles of only thinking about when I'll cum, not being able to thrust much, and then cumming in the most meh orgasm ever, and feeling bad in a downtrodden post-orgasm clarity.On the other hand, I can get into virtual cycles of thinking I can do anything, realising I'm not immediately cumming, and then I feel good and focus on what matters. A few times I have lasted almost indefinitely. It's like it's correlated inversely with how much I dwell on it. What I'm saying is if I were somehow able to not think about it, I naturally do last longer. Not hours, but respectable amounts for sure.There's a feedback loop that goes both ways, and I did have times with an ex where I felt more confident each time, in a cascading effect, that made me real good.Also, this is almost an entirely PIV issue. Not always, but more often I don't have these fears if I am given a blowjob and I end up lasting for ages. Those orgasms are actually amazing.Watching porn too, which I did a lot (too much) as a teen until now, I have got to a position where I cum almost immediately. It's not hard at all.Does anybody else have this? Do you have any advice? Can I train myself out of this?? Advice on dealing with the low after finishing would also be good.Jacking off beforehand doesn't help massively and just tends to weaken my sexual appetite.I talk to my gf about it. She's great, but it's not satisfying to say things like "I don't mind" - I very much do!