/u/IcarianApsis on I don't know what sexuality I am since I have never had a crush or desired sex, but I am 15 and I don't know whether I am asexual or I just haven't found the right person yet.

Hi! everything you are feeling is perfectly normal, 15 is a wild time. I came out as ace around 17, after several years of pressure from people around me. I didnt have words for it, but started figuring it out around 12. It was a weird time for me as well, I was in a long term relationship and only discovered the ace spectrum late into the game. I have since learned a lot of boundaries that have helped me. it is always ok to not know answers related to your sexuality or to need space to figure it out. It is also perfectly fine to find a label that fits ok for now, and realize later that another one fits you better/experiment with another label and learn it doesnt fit. if you experiment with relationships, always be sure you are enthusiastic with what is happening and saying you are not comfortable is always ok (not just in terms of intimacy, but any type of touch, speech patterns, or labels).

I have considered having children (i landed on adoption, if it is going to happen), and there are lots of options in that department that you can explore over time. Wanting children and wanting sex are not equivalents. there are lots of other options. you also have plenty of time. I personally think wanting children has almost nothing to do with sexuality.

about not being attracted to men or women: some people are happy with that. if you are looking for labels to investigate and try, aromantic can be useful, or demi-romantic or demisexual. it is possible you dont have any attraction to other people, or only to incredibly specific people, and both are perfectly valid

as for what labels i use i use different terms for different distance of knowing people. for myself and people I am in a relationship with, I am me. Nothing quite fits and that is okey. we find what boundaries we are okey with and go from there

at the next level, to my very close friends and family I am out as ace and demi romantic(I will have intense romantic interactions with other people veeerry rarely). they dont need to know i dont care about aesthetics or the complexities of my relationship to physical contact.

To acquaintances, i wont bring it up unless asked and then they only get the ace bit. otherwise it is none of their business

to strangers when i am not at a panel discussion, they get nothing

I am out publicly because I talk about these issues. so my public persona is out as ace and frequently says more private details about me than i let onto friends.

these labels are blurry and have changed a few times so far in my life as I have learned about myself.

finding someone you can trust and talking through it without needing labels or judgement is a wonderful thing. I have sat friends down with “i want to discuss my orientations with you. i dont need labels right now, i just need good faith conversation with someone i trust and to say some of these thoughts aloud”

the right councilor or therapist can also help hash things out if they are versed in these issues otherwise asking questions in the safe spaces of the internet can be useful.





June 12, 2021 at 12:03AM
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more