/u/IcarianApsis on I don't know what sexuality I am since I have never had a crush or desired sex, but I am 15 and I don't know whether I am asexual or I just haven't found the right person yet.

Hi! everything you are feeling is perfectly normal, 15 is a wild time. I came out as ace around 17, after several years of pressure from people around me. I didnt have words for it, but started figuring it out around 12. It was a weird time for me as well, I was in a long term relationship and only discovered the ace spectrum late into the game. I have since learned a lot of boundaries that have helped me. it is always ok to not know answers related to your sexuality or to need space to figure it out. It is also perfectly fine to find a label that fits ok for now, and realize later that another one fits you better/experiment with another label and learn it doesnt fit. if you experiment with relationships, always be sure you are enthusiastic with what is happening and saying you are not comfortable is always ok (not just in terms of intimacy, but any type of touch, speech patterns, or labels).

I have considered having children (i landed on adoption, if it is going to happen), and there are lots of options in that department that you can explore over time. Wanting children and wanting sex are not equivalents. there are lots of other options. you also have plenty of time. I personally think wanting children has almost nothing to do with sexuality.

about not being attracted to men or women: some people are happy with that. if you are looking for labels to investigate and try, aromantic can be useful, or demi-romantic or demisexual. it is possible you dont have any attraction to other people, or only to incredibly specific people, and both are perfectly valid

as for what labels i use i use different terms for different distance of knowing people. for myself and people I am in a relationship with, I am me. Nothing quite fits and that is okey. we find what boundaries we are okey with and go from there

at the next level, to my very close friends and family I am out as ace and demi romantic(I will have intense romantic interactions with other people veeerry rarely). they dont need to know i dont care about aesthetics or the complexities of my relationship to physical contact.

To acquaintances, i wont bring it up unless asked and then they only get the ace bit. otherwise it is none of their business

to strangers when i am not at a panel discussion, they get nothing

I am out publicly because I talk about these issues. so my public persona is out as ace and frequently says more private details about me than i let onto friends.

these labels are blurry and have changed a few times so far in my life as I have learned about myself.

finding someone you can trust and talking through it without needing labels or judgement is a wonderful thing. I have sat friends down with “i want to discuss my orientations with you. i dont need labels right now, i just need good faith conversation with someone i trust and to say some of these thoughts aloud”

the right councilor or therapist can also help hash things out if they are versed in these issues otherwise asking questions in the safe spaces of the internet can be useful.





June 12, 2021 at 12:03AM
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