/u/Thornescape on Any advice on boundaries?

There's a pacifist tradition of "passive resistance" that I'm fond of. The idea is that you calmly and clearly refuse to do something that you don't want to do. You're not hostile or aggressive, you just calmly and patiently resist.

When it comes to boundaries, it's important to make them increasingly firm. It's fine to start with hints and casual comments about your lack of interest, but it's important to steadily increase your resistance to stuff that you don't want to do. It's important to make that resistance as firm as it needs to be.

I once had a group of guys tell me that they were going to kidnap me and take me on a bachelor party and get me drunk. I started fairly vague in my refusal, and had to slowly escalate it to the point where I had to explain that if they tried, I'd call for the police. In a way, it's sad that they didn't respect me enough and that it had to get to that level, but thankfully I wasn't dragged into a situation that I would hate and regret for the rest of my life.

It's fine to hint about your boundaries at first. It's important to increase the clarity of your communication as needed. It's okay to be persuaded into some things, but not every thing.





May 06, 2021 at 11:49PM
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