/u/confused_middleager on I love the idea of a platonic life partner, but I don’t know how you find someone like that, especially in this day and age.

why not? the park is no more or less logical a place to talk to a random person than a bar.

but, nevermind: it is perfectly reasonable not to want to have to have to approach a random person. so then the question becomes: how do you get an excuse to talk to someone?

the classic things would be to have friends introduce to other friends. or, join some kind of club or take some kind of class. or do meetups. presumably the activity suggests some kind of shared interest, and a reason to engage in conversation, and that gives you a place to start.

if the only things you do are things done by yourself then that makes things a lot harder. not only because it makes it harder to meet people, but also because it's hard to build a relationship with someone through those activities.

as in: would your dream vacation with your partner be to play FPS games on you individual screens, never talking to each other, and only seeing each other during bio breaks? is that the image you would have for your golden retirement years? probably not. this, btw, is a thing that allos screw up all the time. you see it in this subreddit when allos can't figure out what to do with their partners. that's a relationship where it isn't clear if those two people were really ever together when they weren't "together".

anyway, presumably you would want to actually do something with your partner. well, what activity is that? whatever it is must involve another person, which means there is a way to meet people who are doing those things.

maybe it's an online thing. that isn't really a problem. i mean, it certainly is awkward in some ways, but it's a massive advantage in others. for example, what if you live in a small town where you know everybody. then your choices are hugely constrained in a way that online relationships are not. like all of us here in this subreddit can make close friendships regardless of where we are, what our situation is, whatever.

maybe you make a friend who doesn't live nearby. if you two are really, truly, deeply, madly in love, then you can talk about moving. that's a much bigger step if there's serious distance involved, and it's not easy, but it is also not impossible. anyway, there is no point in worrying about that in the beginning. first just make some friends. it's just as possible that the person you meet will not live absurdly far away, or that one of you two world actually be glad to move when the time comes to make that choice.

these things can and do happen. the majority of close friends of mine are people I've never seen IRL. i have been married over 20 years with someone i met online and who lived in a different state than i did. there also would have been absolutely no chance that we would have gotten together if we first met IRL because both of us are way better socially online than in person.

now:

all of this stuff is scary AF. and it is not easy. it's hard and it takes work. and most likely there will be some hurt feelings along the way.

but real life is not like the movies. all relationships take hard work. great relationships aren't easier, they are just worth it.

April 25, 2021 at 11:08PM