/u/ohno_throwaway3 on Can you explain a a-sexuality to a me?

Hi Sam,

lt sounds like what you don't understand is the difference between libido and sexual attraction. The info that you're missing is that (most) asexuals do have a libido, it's just not "directed" at someone. So, the only sexual feeling that they have is their libido, which can be either high or low (just like a straight/gay/bi/pan person's can). I know it's hard to picture, but it might help to try and think of a time when your libido spiked (e.g. due to pms or ovulation) while you were home alone. You were just minding your own business, not thinking about sex, there were no guys around, no one to attract you, yet you still felt slightly aroused. We might differ here because you then probably thought of some guy who you're attracted to, but the point is that your libido wasn't triggered by seeing someone you find attractive or actively thinking about sex, it was just there of its own accord, because of your hormones.

As others have mentioned, not all asexuals dislike sex. That being said, there are various reasons why aces might want to have sex (solo or with a partner) — to satisfy/silence their libido, to relieve stress/reduce anxiety, because it feels good/they're bored, to bond with their partner, peer pressure/compulsory heterosexuality, etc. Asexuals who are not repulsed by sex (and those exist) can enjoy sex. All of their parts are fully functional.

So, to reiterate, what defines asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, not a dislike towards sex or a lack of libido. Most asexuals also differentiate between romantic and sexual attraction, which is a whole other story. Not being sexually attracted to anyone is hard to explain, since a straight person is probably repulsed by the thought of sleeping with someone of the same sex, and not being attracted to someone of your desired sex means you would never sleep with them. Basically, as an asexual, I've never "had chemistry" with anyone, felt the "magnetic pull", randomly thought about having sex with someone, never was aroused by looking at someone or hearing their voice, etc., and had a hard time understanding that people didn't talk about sex so much just because it's a social convention.

The FAQ of this subreddit offers far more info. As is the case with any group of people, not all asexuals have the same attitudes, feelings, and experiences.





November 09, 2020 at 12:03AM
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